Maybe I should just give up my morals and my ethics and become the stereotypical gay slut.
It's so funny as (insert your gay group) are driven by sex, so I'm rather uncomfortable at the events I attend. I'm there to socialize and have fun, not to see who I can pick up this (day/week/month/event).
Is it so wrong to want to find a relationship? To want to date someone, to court them, to save sex until well into the relationship?
I'm starting to think it is. I know people on both coasts who think I suffer from "Midwestern Family Values" and that I have a deluded sense of romance and how life really works...
Fuck them.
Yeah, I'm jaded and I'm bitter. Do I have to turn the other cheek? Should give up and just have meaningless carnal pleasure?
I tried it. No luck. I enjoyed it physically, but I felt dirty and cheap afterwards. I want to find someone and share quality time with them, cuddled up in bed talking, and spending quality time with someone.
Yeah, I know there's a large percentage of you all who think a trick picked up from the bar who (you fuck/fucks you) for a few hours is quality time. Is it really? What do you get out of it besides carnal pleasure?
Maybe I'm just too in touch with myself and by knowing what I want, I've set myself up for failure. I don't want a cheap tawdry trick, I don't want a fling, and I sure as hell don't want to be a play toy.
I want a husband/life partner/significant other to love and be with until one of us dies. (Yeah, the old 'til death do us part shit.) I mean really, is that so much to ask? If a straight person holds out for what they want like this, it's all good and wholesome. If I as a gay man choose to do this, I'm a freakish prude. I've been told by bears and cubs alike that I should just deal with reality and "get over your fucked up sense of Midwestern Family Values, spread yer legs, and have some fun."
If that's fun, I'll be bored and a wallflower at the dance.
I'm not happy about it, but I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that I will die alone, never having found my husband. My knight in shining will forever be a dream as I like Don Quixote, am tilting at spurious windmills.
