I know...I know...it's a meme.

First: Reply with your name and I will write something about you.

Second: I will then tell what song[s]/movie[s]/book[s] remind me of you.
Third: Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
Fourth: I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
Fifth: I’ll tell you the most memorable moment I’ve had with you.
Sixth: I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
Seventh: I’ll then tell you of a quote that comes to mind when I think of you.
Finally: Put this in your journal


I will be observing a meme-free month of March and May.

Otherwise, that’s all for now....have at it ;)

Possible changes at www.stockyjock.com

It is with a heavy heart and deep remorse that I have decided to entertain selling the website and the domain name.

My personal finances are in a very poor state and the sale of the site would allow me a bit more time in allowing me to pay bills and continue with day to day expenses.

There has been an option to support Stocky Jock since last April.
The lack of interest in the site in terms of providing content and financial support have led me to entertaining selling the site.

It’s been a good six years, but I think Stocky Jock has lived a good life and I hope the new owners will choose to continue the site as it stands today. That is one of many uncertainties I have in the sale of the site.

For those who have supported the site, I am grateful. Stocky Jock has been a labour of love for the past six years and I have enjoyed it though admittedly at times, it has frustrated me to no end.

If you wish to save the site, go to http://www.stockyjock.com and show your support.

JT
Webmaster - Stocky Jock Athletics
http://www.stockyjock.com

Insomnia, Death, and other wierdness

So, here I sit at 4:15 this morning...then there is a loud *bang* followed by a thud and the sound of shattering glass. I didn’t *feel* it so I knew someone had hit something but not our building.

I looked out our balcony and didn’t see anything. I thought it might have been on the other side of the building. A car drove by...then stopped suddenly in the middle of Wolf Rd. I walked outside into the breezeway and saw a vehicle at an odd angle not quite in the driveway to the Harmony Village complex across the street.

After no less that six police cars, a firetruck and an ambulance showed up, I knew something fairly major was up.

I don’t know the details, but a minivan took out a powerpole and it appears either the occupant walked away or was killed as the ambulance was waived off with “no transport” as the code.

About 5:15, ComEd cut the power and it was restored about 10 minutes later.

ComEd is still on the scene replacing the pole and re-stringing the lines on that pole. I can look out the balcony and see the lines are still hanging very low and that Wolf Road is still closed northbound from Hintz to just past our entry in our complex/the entry into Harmony Village.

My thoughts and prayers are that the person walked away, but from the reaction of the law enforcement/rescue personal, I don’t think that was the case.

Oh the geekiness

Does anyone else see the immense humour in the name of this program when compared to its function?

KLibido

KLibido - KDE Linux Binaries Downloader
KLibido is a KDE usenet news grabber for Linux.

Erm...back in the day...Usenet was used for two things...pr0n and erm...there was another use?

I understand that LiBiDo is an acronym for Linux Binaries Downloader...

Libido also is sex drive...

*giggles*

I feel so high school right now.

A simple question...

Why do cats have ass buttons?

L is for Lemming and M is for Meme

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 4 questions.

Any 4, no matter how personal, dirty, private, or random.

I have to answer them honestly.

Goodbye Farewell Hasta lluego...

After last night, I’ll not be posting here for a while.

The lack of job leads, the lack of money, the lack of emotional support in my life...

Right now, I feel as if I have no friends or support in my life.

I have < 1/4 of gas in my truck.

Resumes seem to be getting sent to nowhere as I never hear anything back.

I'm emotionally drained, physically exhausted and totally overstressed.

Right now, I could use a lil money so I could just get away to MN for a few days. I need to relax, hang out with friends and rebuilt my internal energy.

I don't see that happening anytime soon.

My body has prepared for a long period of no energy and no power.

It will be interesting.

Support the broken bear

If you are reading this ...

you made the cut as a member of my pagans/wiccans/occultist cut.

I will be posting very little here for a while.

is my magickal journal...a more serious reflection of who/what I am.

is my “working diary” including rituals, details, ideas, and thoughts.


Blessed Be!

the big bear

A poem about love...

Love.

What is love?
Love is real.

Love is a four letter word.
I would add it to that list
of unused Anglo-Saxon words.

Love is real....
The knowledge that everyone believes in
that everyone will find their mate to bring them happiness.
the warm fuzzy feeling of hearing a name, feeling a touch...

No, rather...
Love is a delusion that one day we will find our true mate
Our happiness that will complete our lives, lift our spirits, and make us whole.
It’s the cold darkness of our name not being called out or being touched lovingly.
A cruel reminder of our present state.

Love is a drug like Prozac or Zoloft
Love is a alternate reality we create where in the end
we are all happy with our partner(s).
Love is where we deny the ultimate reality, that life is cold, harsh and painful.
Love is a security blanket that we just can’t release.
Love keeps us alive while slowly killing us from within.

Yet, in my mind’s eyes
Love is to be mine
Love is the drug
The drug that keeps me holding on
Holding on to the edge of that which we call life.
Each day my grip grows weaker and weaker,
yet the delusion of love, holds me on that cliff.



-- John “JT” Lamb

Copyright 16 Feb 2005

What the hell

If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?

(Now post this in your LJ and find out what mine would be)

A post...that doesn't involve me being pissy...

I’m hitting a point where I realize I want to do something with my novel. I’m seriously pondering posting the first odd pile of pages here...and letting people read it. I’m not sure how far I’ll go with it...I have 40 pages done and I’m on a tear with editing and adding new material to it.

It’s just a thought that I’ll be posting it. If I do, it’ll be in a closed friends group that you’ll have to ask about.

That’s all from insomnia land...

As seen on Slashdot....

Emacs, n.: A slow-moving parody of a text editor.

Just a heads up...

Most likely, Stocky Jock and Real World Men will be going offline tomorrow.

They most likely won’t be back.

I don’t have the right headspace, real life situation, or the real desire to keep them going.

Stocky Jock has had a good solid run of six years ... and Real World Men has never really taken off.

My novel “To The Pioneers” is also on the chopping block. It’s never gone anywhere...nor will it ever go anywhere. It’s a hacked up pile of words that occasionally gets tossed over when I’m really frazzled. It’s been a nice piece of therapy for me...but it’ll never be a novel...or in print. Those of you who have bits of it...you are the lucky ones.

I think it’s just time for me to just fade away into the blackness of the offline world.

No more websites, no more IM, no more e-mail.

It’s very very tempting.

What a shitsucker of a day...

The proverbial organic feces were slung into the air oscillation device today.

I’m about to dismantle my altar. I have come to realize that while I’m here with Sean, I’ll never feel comfortable enough with my own “personal space” to actively work with the Lord and Lady in the ways that I should work with them.

It’s pretty fucking sad when you don’t feel settled and/or comfortable enough in your own surroundings to practice your own religion. I think I’m going to turn in my altar into the entertainment center.

The same laundry that Sean promised me *last* weekend would be folded and put away is still partially folded and totally not put away all over the living room. I know that if Sean promises that something will get done...it won’t. Cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, taking out the trash....it never gets done. I’m having to clean the apartment all the time. I hated coming home from work because the apartment was a mess and it *smells*. I’m very tempted to send Sean off for the weekend so I can properly clean the apartment.

I don’t really care if I make it to Portage Garou...and Chicago Changeling (which I’m an ST for ... which is a seperate set of issues) can float to hell too right now. I just want a clean apartment where I don’t have to smell things I can’t identify and not wonder how long I’ve left dishes sitting in the sink...or when the last time I mopped the floor. Sean doesn’t notice things like that. The place could be smelling, green with organic growth and actively infectious...and he’d never know.

Sean’s off at Gary Vampire (yet another LARP game) which is a monster that I’ve created. For someone who didn’t like LARPs and had bad experiences with them... Let’s see: Kenosha Garou, Portage Garou, Chicago Garou, and Gary Vampire...with talk of Chicago Vampire. So nice to see that the time on the weekends that could be spent with me are much more importantly spent doing LARP stuff...which seems to dominate conversations during the week.

I’m over it all. Today’s fit that I had to run to work, get my check, cash my check, and get money into his account by 2pm was one thing....but being told that he’d not have time after getting off work at 5:30 because he’d have to get to Gary...that pissed me off. The money I had to get into his account today...was so we could make RENT...just a minor lil thing that MUST get paid.

I’m really feeling like I’m a third wheel here...and there’s only two people in the apartment. I’m pressured/guilted because I don’t have much of a sex drive. I do...and it’s active in the morning. Sean’s is pretty much non-stop with a lull in the morning. So when I am in the mood...he’s not. But it’s all about me...cuz I don’t put out when he wants it.

Minneapolis...St. Cloud...Madison...Peoria...hell even Paragould Arkansas sound nice about now. I’m at my wits end with this shit.

What do you remember?

If you read this, post a memory of me...

It can be anything you want; it can be good or bad, then post this to your journal to see what people remember about you.

Woohoo!

I have the web project for done and delivered. *cheers*

I got the Kenosha Garou site updated with the new driving directions. I think that’ll probably be the last updates done to the site for a very long time.

Now I need to tackle building the Portage Garou website, making some major changes to Stocky Jock and Real World Men with stuff that I learned from the project for .

At some point, I might actually get back to my novel, but right now, it seems to have mentally gone on the back burner...with the gas turned off.

And so it goes...

I woke up at 1:45, laying on the floor after having fallen out of bed and holding my jaw.

For those who don’t know, I dislocated my jaw Monday morning and spent six hours in the ER.

It’s been a none too pleasant recovery with a “soft” diet restriction as well as “orders” not to open my mouth wide to yawn, yell at people, or trying to eat things like apples.

My jaw is still hurting and the vicodin is helping to keep that pain at bay while I’m not at work.

Otherwise, well, things are going. I’m still in a dark foul mood.

I spent a good 45 minutes on the phone with tonight and that actually cheered me up some. I need to see him sometime and also to see my friends who can actually cheer me up. My “cheering” friends are in MN so it’s going to be a long while before I see them. I guess that’s life. If I’m not doing better in a couple of days, I’m going to be seeking psychiatric help and hoping I can pull of a miracle with good sliding-scale mental help.

I need it.