I know Lent has come and gone...

But I’ve sworn off dating and relationships.

Now before anyone gets their hopes up...don’t.

I’m going to not be engaging in sins of the flesh with others. It’s not what I want and it just leaves me feeling dirty afterwards.

I want to cuddle and snuggle...and have quiet pillow talk with the man I am with...fix him dinner and share my life with him...not just the occasional bump-n-grind.

There are a few people who have crossed my radar of late...

Two of them: Not sure what he wants. It’s gonna take a good deal of time for him to realize what he wants and working through his own head before he can say what he truly wants.

Number 1 could have my heart and soul if he wants it...but I can’t sit and be emotionally confused over what he wants (or really doesn’t want) in spite of his words and actions not agreeing. What is most painful about this...is that I’ve seen deep inside him...and *sigh* I’ve fallen hard for him...like painfully hard.

Number 2 is most likely just a crush that will pass. I’m not all that upset with number 2...but I do need to mentally get over it.

3: Claims to be interested in me and wants to hang out with me sometime, but is never reachable...and when he is reachable is always busy.

His loss. I’ve tried to arrange stuff with him...and I’ve never gotten a call/email/IM anything from him trying to originate/start anything. I can read the writing on the wall.

So I go forward...knowing that I’m not going to find anyone or have anyone...and if I can work on accepting that I’ll be single till I drop dead...I’ll be better off.

Yeah, I’m in a mood today...this has been festering in my head for a while.

-- Big Bear off

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This song fits a situation I'm in ... perfectly

MADE ME HARD

You made me hard, you made me cold
I was simple (simple), but now I know

Nobody wants to be the weak one
We all want to go from strength to strength

You made me hard, you made me cold
I was simple (simple) but now I know

Nobody wants to be the weak one
We all want to go from strength to strength

If I could go back in time, well I wouldn’t change a thing
No...

You made me hard, you made me strong
I was simple (simple) but not for long

I gave to you a kind disposition
You led me on and you rejected me

It took a while but I’ve accepted
I learned a slow and painful lesson

You made me hard, you made me cold
I was simple (simple) but now I know

Nobody wants to be the weak one
We all want to go from strength to strength

If I could go back in time, well I wouldn’t change a thing
I wouldn’t change a thing
I wouldn’t change a thing

You made me hard, you made me strong
I was simple but not for long

I wonder what you find so attractive
I’ve never seen you looking this excited
So let’s just leave it at one third each
‘Cause we both want something so far out of reach

You made me hard, you made me strong
I was simple but not for long

You made me hard, you made me cold
I was simple (simple) but now I know
and now I know

now I know

Such fitting lyrics in my life...

Mercy Killing

I believe in love to the power of ten
I don’t believe retaliation strikes can make amends
I believe, I believe again

I cut down the flags on the wooden ship
sail stateless keep the faith in protest
Against the wind

but when I look in your eyes
i don’t see anything
I see a love that died
Cut down in a mercy killing
Looking for mercy
Looking for mercy
Found it in your arms
Don’t look so sad
Looking for mercy

I believe in starting out again
i don’t believe imaginary love can ever win
I want to believe again

I receive the lies that I can’t resist
Idolise “This machine kills fascists”
specialised and refined in heart breaks relined
I’m a mercy killer

But when I look in your eyes
i don’t see anything
Now I’ve seen a love that died
Cut down in a mercy killing
Looking for mercy
Looking for mercy
Found it in my arms
Woh oh oh oh
Looking for mercy

mercy on me
killing degree

And if I run am I free
If I look back will I see
I’m killing again
Mercy killing
and the very thing I do to you
Will be done to me
Looking for mercy
Looking for mercy
I don’t see anything now
I see a love that died
Cut down in a mercy killing
Looking for mercy
Looking for mercy
Found it in my arms
Don’t look so sad
Looking for mercy

*whistles innocently* I'm 32, sweet, innocent and never....

Sick and Wrong You are 4% pure

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 1% on purity

Link: The 100 Point Sexual Purity Test written by ocicat on Ok Cupid

I know...I said no memes in March or May...

Stolen from who filched it from who got it from someone else...
with my own little edits...

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
The boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world

when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you’re just as beautiful when you first wake up.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you,
and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, “...that’s him.”

guys... repost this if this is the kind of guy you’re looking for...or if this is the kind of guy you are.
girls... good luck finding a man like this...(and hope he says that’s her about you).

What is a life?

What makes a life a life?

Is it friends...a job...what we own?

If we really wanted to (or had to) ... how many of us could walk away from it all.

Could I walk away from my now 10 year old e-mail address? Or my several year old IM names? What about the people who are my friends now? Could I just walk away from them?
How much of my “old life” could I leave behind if I decided to leave it all right now?

That’s the question that’s on my mind right now.

The scary part is...I think I know the answer. It’s almost all of it.

There are a few people I’d maintain contact with...

I just wish I could actually bring myself to do it. It’d be like staging your own death...and cutting all the old ties...but yet still living...just starting fresh without all the shit and drama.

*sigh* Stress is killing me... and not slowly.

Gotta love the lies from HumanForSale.com

You are worth exactly: $2,207,618.00.

We hope you can find somebody who is wealthy enough to afford you.

Yeah. As if. I’d be happy if someone would offer me $50 for a night out. (No funny business involved.)

Pardon the naked happy bear dance

Woowoo!

Go me.

I’m now working 8:15a-5p M-F at a mid-sized research facility in the mail room/shipping dock.

It pays well and it’s rather easy work. I’m there for a month and there is a strong possibility that I might go permanent with them (i.e. I’m hired on by the firm, not just there as a temp).

*dances happily*

Is it really worth it?

Well, Stocky Jock is gone from my hands, the LJ community has been deleted as has the Yahoo group that was associated with the site for the past 3.5 years.

I have a two week assignment working on the shipping dock/mail room of a fairly large entity in Des Plaines. 7:15a-4p M-F for $10.50/hr.

I’m working. Rah.

The rest of my life is a complete shit hole that makes my job seem like a wonderful bright spot in my day. I actually don’t look forward to going home at the end of the day.

All I ask is to fall asleep in the tub and just not wake up.

Is that too much to ask?

And just for shits and giggles

What Makes You.. by SheBangs12
Your name?
Your gender?	MaleFemaleOther
What makes you sexy?	Your hands
What makes you pretty?	Your eyes
What makes you loveable?	How cute you are
What makes you fun?	Your quick wit
What makes you irresistable?	Your voice
What makes you cute?	Oh, just about everything ^.^
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Attention all stations....maintain radio silence.

Although others will be inclined to try to persuade me otherwise...

I’m severing a lot of links to people and places. There is way too much crap going on that really does not involve me, but I seem to be getting pulled into it.

Empaths are normally the warm fuzzy sensitive people. Once we start having our emotions toyed with and when people start pulling us in conflicting directions... we know what to do. We cut people and places off. Empaths are wonderful resources and we can do much to help restore the world. Just like a warrior however, the empath is only as strong as his own strength. When we are wounded, we must stop and take care of ourselves first, before we attempt to help others.

I’m at a point where my own physical and mental health are starting to suffer due to the amount of crap going on around me. I’m going to be much more withdrawn and much less talkative for a while. I’ll still occasionally post here and I’ll be on the various IM services from time to time.

I have to protect myself first and foremost.

If you can’t understand that...

Yeah, I'm alive.

Hi gang

Long time no see in LJ land.

Lots going on...nothing I really want to talk about here. Too many people will make too many judgements and the telephone game of “he said...*gasp* but someone else told me that...” that happens is just not worth it.

I may post a friends-only type post later. There are some things going on that are really bothering me and a couple of situations that make my head hurt.

I’m at one of those spots where everything is changing and yet so much stays the same. I really need to make some serious life changes, but right now, I’m not in a situation to make them happen.
I’m getting there. Slowly.

I’ve made some big mistakes in the last week...and I am just now starting to realize that they were indeed mistakes. I can’t go back and undo what I’ve done, but I can also say that I’d do them again. I think that the consequences will not be what I want...but I did what I did with honesty and respect for those involved.

What will the future hold? Who knows. It’s not going to be a dull and boring ride, that’s for damn sure.

When fecal matter collides with the air oscillation device

Okay.

I’ve had it.

As of 4.30am today, I have enough link to Spirit to continue teaching my student and that is it. I have temporarily severed most of my links to the astral and things around me until the shit storm blows over. There is only so much I can take at one time before I start to crumble from overload and overextension...and I’m there. I will continue to teach my student as I have before, possibly with more focus and direction now that I’m not being torn in 4 directions at once. My links, ability, and energy are available to me if I need them in case of emergency. They are in storage in several places right now. I’m hoping this will allow me to focus on cleaning up the mundane mess around my life and also to focus better on teaching my student as that is one thing that I feel has been suffering through all of this.

I’m sick of having my empathic abilities played and manipulated. I’m sick of people trying to think for me, plan my life for me, and I’m most completely sick of people trying to arrange things in my life. If you want to meddle in my life, ask me first. See if I want (or need) help with something. Many times, I have things well under control or where I want them. Meddling just moves things around and can often have the complete opposite effect of what you are trying for...

I won’t be making myself nearly as available to people as I normally do. I will not be my usually chipper happy bear self bouncing with empathy and support. If emergencies arise, I’ll be there as always, but don’t be surprised if I blow off the mundane and small things that you all should know how to deal with already.

---

For my student: I will be expecting to have the discussion on the guides and their lessons next Tuesday. I also plan to start teaching you the basics of energy work and most importantly controlling energy both on the astral and within yourself. What is happening to me is a prime example of why control is of the utmost importance.

For the other student: Read.

For the protector: See all the above.

I’m quite sure that no one will read this or see it. I just need to get it all off my chest and let you all know where I stand.

That English meme

The Commonly Confused Words Test

Tell your friends: http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=14457200288064322170

by shortredhead78


Advanced

You scored 100% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 55% Expert!

You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels’ questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don’t use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

---

Now to think that I nearly failed English grammar in seventh and eighth grade. I “blame” my Spanish teacher in high school for my English abilities. It was through her teaching for four years that I learned proper grammar in both languages.