Really odd dream last night

I had a very distinct dream last night. A *lucid* dream. I was conciously aware of the fact that I was dreaming (or was I?).

I had someone (something) that was teaching me how to project my spiritual self from my physical body. I kept trying to seperate my spirit from my physical body and it was failing miserably.

Finally, on the third try, I just let my physical body fall as if it was just dead weight and I seperated from it. I was completely free of my physical body but yet I couldn't return to it. It was as if I'd been set free from this physical world. The problem was that I couldn't get back...and I remember panicking that I couldn't get back to my body and that I *had* to get back to it. It wasn't time for me to be seperated. I woke up, wide awake at 3:47am and was *still* feeling panicked. I've been up since and I'm afraid of falling back to sleep.

Either it was a manifestation of the extreme depression and self-destructive thoughts that I've been having lately...or I've finally learned a lesson that needed to be learned and the next set of lessons is starting to be taught to me.

I'd just like a clue as to which one it was.

to you, I whole heartedly apologize for your desire to go astral. I totally understand it now. It's amazing. It's also saddening in a way as you can go to places that you were, but they aren't the same places you know or remember.

Blessed Be and may Spirit watch over you all.

I give up on today...I'll try living tomorrow...

Okay, I can't figure this project out. I just had to pay more on my car insurance because I read the wrong amount on the invoice.

I absolutely have to have this project finished by this weekend...or I'm not eating. It's that simple. I have $3.18 to my name. That's not gonna last until 13 August when I get my first paycheck (for a whopping 3 hours)...my first real paycheck isn't until 20 August.

I'm having one of those days where it just feels like I can't win...I can't do anything right...and I just want to fucking end it all...not for myself...but for those around me who have to suffer my patheticness.

If anyone wants to contribute to the feed JT fund...feel free. I'd greatly appreciate it.

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Update to my rant...

Okay...so what should be a simple text file read/parse/output...nope..can't do that...gonna have to do a flatfile with .htaccess and a cutesy webform to make it all work.

It's that or I shell out $150 for a program that'll do that same function with so much overkill it's like hitting a bunny with a 700megaton nuclear warhead...not to mention that's a goodly chunk of what I'm getting paid for this.

Basically, I'm going to have to create a database with every single employee...and have a default list of reasons why they are out of the office. The secretary will then log onto an administration page and be able to set who is out and why. This is easist done with a database and some serious php scripting. I can do it, but I'll need an mySQL server and php5/perl installed on the server this is all going on to...

All for an electronic in/out board. I thought that's what cell phones and voicemail were for...

Anywho...it's off to earn money so I can eat.

Forgive me for this...

I HATE PHP!

I HATE PERL!

I ABHOR HTML!


I feel better...

I'm having stupid issues with what should be one of the simplest things in the world...and it's really starting to piss me off... Can ya tell?

Well crap...

Stocky Jock is back. I botched the backup last night. The site is still there, but *all* the profile pictures are *gone*.

*sigh*

Stocky Jock version 6 is still in a holding pattern. One project is done, the second is well on the way to being done. The third...well...I need a fifth of Jack Daniels to get this one figured out.

I start my new job next Wednesday for orientation...with my first full day the following Monday.

If I can get the other projects done, I'll be trying to get Stocky Jock done in there too...otherwise it'll be a while.

Follow-up on culling my LJ friends list...

This is for my own curiosity.

How did you come to find my journal and why did you friend me?

This has nothing to do with who is being removed (which knowing me will be no one)...but more of my curiosity as to why anyone gives a rat's ass about me.

Oh...I forgot.

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Culling down the friends list...

I'm going to be seriously paring down my friends list during the next few days.

Mostly it's going to be people who (almost) never post...

I've also set up a couple of "groups" of people as well so posts may seem a lil strange at times.

That's all.

Well...how life changes in a phone call...

Well, Spherion just called...

I was scheduled to start on 23 August...orientation on 18 August. That's been the plan since early July.

Today I get called. I'm doing orientation on 4 August, starting on 9 August. Yes, it's two weeks earlier. Good thing.

I'd made plans to go to MN from 5 August to 9 August. Well. Apparently, I'll just leave after orientation on the 4th, get up to MN, do my hanging out and visiting friends...and then head back Sunday the 8th to be bright eyed and bushy tailed on the 9th.

I'm mixed about it all. I was looking forward to doing the MN trip, having time to let the calmness soak through me, then start the new job. Now MN is wedged in between the orientation (paperwork day) and the start of the actual job...unless I can manage to sneak up there this weekend. I don't see it happening as I only have about $80 total I can spend on this trip right now.

Dear Goddess...

TBS 7am - Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

My day is off to a rockin' start!

Holy Sweet Jeebus

JibJab.com

Check out the link...play the video.

It's funny, political, and it doesnt' take sides.

It's not quite work-safe...but it's still a riot.

Need to travel...

It's 2:40am...and I'm sitting here staring at the computer.

My mind is racing over a huge pile of thoughts...and I need to vent them. LJ isn't the place and there are a couple of my friends in Minnesota that I'd love to sit down and have a long heart to heart with...

I'm going to hit my breaking point soon...and it's not going to be pretty when I hit it.

In the meantime, I think I'm gonna curl up on the couch. TV numbs the mind and maybe I won't cry again tonight.

It's dead.

My Phillips apparently read my previous Live Journal post and promptly gave up on this life today.

The green wiring is *gone*...and so is the blue.

I'm currently trying to do web design remotely off my machine via 's machine but it's not an ideal way to do things...

*grumbles and goes back to dealing with telnet in an XP console window thing*

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Wish early...wish often...

I know my birthday is still six weeks off, but I need a new monitor.

Not want. Need. Mine was damaged in the move to Chicago. The cable is badly damaged just before the video card connector. The monitor is occasionally "pure" but most often it's flickering/popping into a various shades of purple. Yes, the green wiring is dying fast. The blue wiring is also damaged but is holding up much better. The color shifts I can deal with. It's the pops as it loses sync and the flickering that are feeding a deep seated migraine as I try to work.

I have a bunch of paying projects that are due within the next month...and well, with the state of my monitor..I may be "borrowing" Sean's for a while just to get stuff done. Ideally, I'd much prefer not to mess with his stuff just as I know he doesn't want to mess with my stuff...

So, here I sit in and extend a paw for any early birthday donations to the "JT's Monitor Fund"

My goal for the whole things is the Samsung 793mb 17" .20dp CRT. It is $149 and would replace my still solid but broken cabled Phillips 107E that has served me well for the last four years. My friend has a Samsung 763mb and it's been a very dependable workhorse for him and the dispaly is very sharp and very bright. Best Buy has them on sale, but since the website is sold out, it won't give me a price, but it's cheaper than the 793mb is right now.

How fitting...notice the favours after the show...

which of your LJ friends would come to see you perform at a strip club?
LJ Username
slips you a 20	bigboychb
receives a lapdance from you	texaslonestar
gets extra favors after the show	jtinstc
buys you a drink	azrael162
gets kicked out by the bouncer for licking the pole	white27shark
doesn't tip you at all,that fucker	nomadvak
This Quiz by MODernSlut - Taken 13617 Times.

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That'll learn ya damnit!

Oh, someone who finally had enough...

Holy wow...

What the hell! In the last 45 minutes they've played all great songs...not even a so-so song..but all *great* songs.

I'm not complaining..in fact, it's quite nice as it's helping my mood and I feel like my cold is fleeing the happiness.

But...but...white27shark is straight...

Okay, I'd not not complain for a moment...but *wowie*...

Which of your LJ friends are you most likely to have a threesome with?
LJ Username
threesome partner 1	quirkypandacub
threesome partner 2	white27shark
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Sick bear...

I'm sick. I've got the sinus infection/cold thing that had...

I feel like shit. I can deal with most any kind of pain...except for sinus pain. I'm frantically trying to find my bottle of Afrin spray so I can at least get some sleep tonight...*whimper* I hate being sick.

It's begun...

Well, it's begun. I've started the code cleanup/audit/rebuild of Stocky Jock.

No one has donated to the site although traffic keeps increasing...

I may wind up doing this as an exercise in "that's how you do that" as opposed to unleashing it live.

Just have to wait and see...

Insomnia and Boredom....conspired to make...THIS

In a stunning shock...'s webcam is actually quite well supported under Linux.

So I got really bored...and put it on my computer....and put up a webcam page.

The webcam is here.

I can't say there will be anything fun, exciting, or even interesting that happens on it..it was more that I was bored and decided to put up a webcam for shits and giggles since the camera worked.

If you do like the cam...or enjoy seeing me...donate to Stocky Jock...make me feel a little loved ;)

<lj user="leiny" />'s party...

I completely apologize to everyone who was at leiny's party...

I didn't mean to bring any of the party down and I apologize...especially to

It won't happen again. Trust me.

Update at 9:35am: HUGE apologies and MASSIVE hugs to grande for dealing with me and for being himself. He's a huge sweetheart who doesn't give himself enough credit for being a good looking really great guy.

Geek Speak Alert

Well hell...

I've gotten utterly and completely frustrated with KMail the built-in mail client for the K Desktop Enviroment. I love it and it's so easy to use, but it refused to ever delete anything. You can "delete" it...and you'll never see the message again...but it's still there...holding down drive space.

I have 2 (two) messages in my inbox...but my inbox file is 217MB!!! Both messages are just text, less than 3k each. Even with the HTML shit with it.

I've tried using Thunderbird. Nice interface...I can't figure out how to hook SpamAssassin into it. So no spam filtering. BIG STRIKE.
I can't merge three accounts into one set of folders like I can in KMail..so I have four directory trees (one for each account and one for "local folders") STRIKE TWO. It does however delete e-mails when you tell it to delete e-mails. This is a bonus point.

Evolution Nice program. I used to use it before I took to KMail. It had some major quirks that I didn't care for, but those are mostly gone now. There is a new version (2.0) due out in the 3^rd quarter that should make life a lil easier. It will do inline images (a bonus), it will allow me to use SpamAssassain (big bonus), and it does delete mail when I tell it to.

I'll be installing the latest Evolution builds and see if it does what I want/need it to. I know it'll do the basics of mail handling like KMail but there are some quirks to adjust to...like marking messages for deletion...then actually expunging them (Ctrl D...Ctrl E -- in that order)...fine for one or two messages...but a folder full of say..SPAM...and it's a bitch.

Enough of my muttering and rambling. I'm off to explore a mail client...

And in other news...

I'll be damned.

The story line for my much grumbled about and nearly doomed to the recycling pile novel is DONE!

I had a burst of inspiration earlier tonight...and I got it done. The last chapter is just two sentences in my story line notes.

--

Chapter 10

X and Y live happily ever after. X retires and they move to Connecticut.

The end.

--

Yeah, it's a bit more detailed than that..but at this point, all the drama is done and it's just giving the main protagonist a semi-normal life to end the book. Now it's just a matter of writing it all out and getting it published. I'm just happy to have the entire story line written down and working in a sensible manner.

Silly 80s lyrics quiz

Rippled from <lj user="caviecub" />

This is the problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, yet we know nothing about each other. I'm going to rectify this. I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.

Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.

My apologies...

Well, if you tried reading my journal from about 1pm to 2pm CT (1800 to 1900GMT)...I'm sorry.

I was majorly twiddling with the colors and layout and such...and it rather chaotic for a while.

Oh well...I'm done changing things for a while