Birthday wrap-up

I woke up “late” this morning. I had today off and went to the Minnesota State Fair with one of my best friend Jesse, whom I love to pieces. He always manages to get me to smile and laugh. The fair was fun though now I’m realizing that I got a *lot* more sun than I realized. I’ve not had much real “in the sun” time this year and the end of August sun is still strong enough to have given me a burned head and arms. It’s not a major burn, but enough for me to definately know that I got a bit too much sun.

Jesse and I got back to the apartment around 6:30 and hung out for a while. I had joked with Jesse and with Chris as well that Dad had called me at about 10:15 this morning to wish me a happy birthday and my previous LJ entry had quite a number of comments, but that I’d not heard from my mom. Those of you who have read this blog long enough know that the relations between my mother and myself are not the best. Today is no exception. Nothing. No phone call, no card, no nothing. I am not surprised, but at the same time, it’s one of those points of depression that you just can’t dull.

I suppose it will get easier in the coming months and years as I’ve decided that I shouldn’t be worrying myself with her even if she is my mother. I’ve learned just how true the gay family is truly the family that we are lucky enough to chose and also who chooses us. Over the years, Dad and I have gotten closer and he’s even asked about my boyfriend at the time. I never thought that Dad would get that far. I know he’s not entirely comfortable with my being gay, but he still loves me, I know he’s there for me, and that’s the most important thing.

In some odd ways, the pain of being estranged or cut off from our own family as gay members of society is a mixed blessing. I have a few of my friends who I hold as near and dear to me as my parents, and two extremely dear friends who I’ve come to think of as my “Northern Parents”. They listen, they advise, they help out, and they are just who they are. No pretense, no bullshit, here it is and this is how it is.

In some ways, I think my life is richer and more complete with my Dad and step-mom and my “Northern Parents” than it was with my mom in the picture. Scratch that, I know it is a better life. I just wish it could take away the pain at knowing that my own mother, who gave birth to me, can’t or won’t be a mother to me.

I know I should be focused on the positives and for the most part I am, but like I said, it’s an awkward pain that won’t go away and hurts in ways I don’t understand.

34 years ago today...

Thirty four years ago today, a ten and a half month baby was born to this world at exactly 3:10am at Proctor Hospital in Peoria, IL.

How my life has changed so many times in that 34 years. I’ll post something much deeper and more philosophical later.

I just realized it was 3:10am 8/30/2006.

Later ya’ll.

Insomnia...

It’s 3:15am. I’m going from physically tired and mentally awake...to the reverse and back again.

If I can get to sleep by 4am, I’ll still have five hours heading into work tomorrow.

*yawn* Please let me get good sleep.

Just a couple of pictures...

My kitties! The orange tabby is Buster. The grey tabby is Saskue (Chris named him).



The historical find of the last few months. /Dan and I found this in his old office. I always joked his office as a storage closet where computer stuff went to die... I was right!

For those who have asked, the mouse is just bigger than a bar of soap in all dimensions, except for height, where it's 1.25" tall. I'll take some more pictures to show off the (un)sexiness of it.

Damnit...it's Friday already

Well, it’s now into the start of Friday. Chris will be home in about 30 hours. Damnit. I was really enjoying him *not* being around.

I’ve been off work since Tuesday night. I got three days scheduled off (unpaid) though I’m planning on being at work tomorrow. (Daddy needs to pay the rent, no doubt!)

Monday afternoon, I called /Jeff to find out where the heck he’s been hiding. He calls me from a friends cell phone, as he’s in Coon Rapids (about 35 miles from me). Talk about serendipity!! I headed up there and meet up with Jeff, Brian and his rather attractive girlfriend Jen. We hung out for a while and I brought Jeff back to my place. We hung out for a while and then crashed. I went into work on Tuesday, Jeff and I watched some TV and some storms then crashed out. Wednesday, we got up and headed up to Superior WI, to take Jeff home. Jeff paid for me to come up there and I’m really glad I did. Jeff’s calming down and growing up ... and it’s a very good thing. He’s much more pleasant to hang out with and his off the wall antics are much more subdued. I headed back down from Superior and got home around 8:30pm Wednesday night.

I had every intention of going to work today, but yeah, that didn’t happen. I didn’t sleep well and the constant blare of my weather radio going off...

So much severe weather today in Minnesota. None of it where I live. 8-|

I’m going to work tomorrow, I’ll be crashing out as soon as I finish this entry.

---

Otherwise, I’ve completely rearranged my room (though I’m planning on switching rooms when Chris moves out)...

I’ve cleaned the kitchen, including the floor. I hung up the $5 clock we got from friends in the kitchen. It’s a small thing yes, but it adds a bit of colour, utility, and ... takes away from the sterility of our apartment. It’s my place (1/2 way) but damn parts of it are sterile and other parts look like it was part dorm cleaning sale.

I have to do something with my rocking chair. I have a feeling that it’s going to meet the dumpster, but the kitties love to sleep on it. They can shred it (and they do) which is better than them going after my sheets, clothes, and the other two chairs.

I only have two other projects before Chris gets home.

One: Clean the fan that normally sits in my window. It’s a giant dust bunny! Put the air cleaner in my room and try to not put the fan in the window as much. What the hell? This fan has two hex screws at the top and bottom, while the rest are standard phillips head. I can’t get it apart and something tells me that the servo motor wouldn’t like being put in the bathtub ;) I’ll move the air cleaner in the morning.

Two: I need to give some time and attention to my altar and religion. I’ve been drifting away from things a lot lately and the trip to Superior actually was good for me. I was able to get away from the city on a leisurely pace. I could have stayed up there until tomorrow night for free. It was great to see the Lake again. It reminded me of all the beauty and wonder in Nature that I’m supposed to be seeing and protecting.

On the way back from Superior, I came to a major decision regarding my novel. The material that I have written as of now, is dead. I’m quite pleased with the characters and their development, but one character (Justin) and the plot are completely forced and I can’t work with them. I’ll be working on a new story with those characters.

I’ve also gotten the Garou Nation website up, running, and updates are coming in from all over the place. I’m pleased with the design, it is simple for those still on dialup, but yet it’s also easy to use and find things.

Okay okay...this entry is getting long...and my eyelids are getting heavy. It’s time for the bear to go to bed.

Deep thoughts...

I’ve been looking at my LJ from time to time and wondering who really does read it.

If you do read my journal on a semi-regular basis, please post a comment (they will be screened).

I’ve thinned out my friends list, but I wonder just exactly who does read it and don’t want to have accidently deleted some of those lurkers.

I know not everyone reads LJ every day, so I figure that on September 1st, I'll purge the non-responding people and add back those who do respond.

That’s all for now.

Oddness...

You know it’s going to be one of those days when you realize there are three items on your “Must Get” list and two of them are for your pet, not for you.

I just realized we are about out of food and litter for the cats and I need to pick up something from the HBA department.

Ah well, at least today is as beautiful as yesterday!

That’s all for now...

Weekend Update

Well, yesterday didn’t quite go as planned, but it went well.

I started out Friday night limping my truck into the parking lot. As I slid into a parking stall, it kicked and bucked letting me know that it was indeed out of gas. I totally reorganized my room. I also rearranged the stuff in the kitchen as Chris just jammed groceries where they landed. I did the dirty dishes that I had but didn’t scrub the counters and the floor. Saturday day, I knew wasn’t going to be much. : Joe came over late on Friday night and we chatted for a while but that was about it. : Mag , : Saber, and Alex (no LJ) called a few times and I finally found my phone around 1:30pm. The plan was that they’d head here and we’d all head off to St. Paul Garou . Instead Joe went home, I sent the rest off to game with good directions, and I took a nice four hour nap. I woke up, went to Acapulco here in Woodbury with Joe and had really good but cheap Mexican food. I came home and would up pounding out a full re-layout of the Garou Nation website.

I’m going to rummage through my truck today for any change then walk over to TCF to turn in my change to see if I can get a few gallons of gas into my truck so I can get to work this week. I should be more stressed out about this, but I’m not. I’m quite pleased that even though my budget is very much in the toilet, I *should* be able to get it resolved in the next few weeks. It’s just going to be an extremely tight for me in the next few weeks. I was assured by TCF that “important payments” are processed with priority and get paid. Nope, that’s a lie. I checked my account today and my balance was my better than it should be. I was expecting a ($400) but it was only ($250). Sure as shit, they’d returned my truck insurance payment unpaid. Well that’s just ducky, I paid it on the last day I could and still keep my truck insurance, but now, I don’t have truck insurance and I still have to get to and from work....though I’m scheduled to be off Wed-Fri of this coming week and as much as I need the mental health time, I can’t financially afford it. The flip side, gas costs are easier if I don’t go to work. Three days pay vs gas for three days of work... I’ll be at work all week. I will be taking off Wednesday of the following week, but that’s one days I will be taking off. My birthday is important.

Strangely, as bad as it is financially, I know I have a stable roommate moving into the apartment in about three weeks. I can’t do anything about this except to pay what I can as I can. I had my direct deposit stopped as I need my entire checks right now to pay my insurace up to current and to pay for rent. I still need to pay our water bill and our electricity bill as they are quite overdue. I am stressed out about it, but yet, I can’t fix it and I know that Chris can’t grasp my financial state. His blatent statement of “I can’t imagine how you don’t have money left over”, well yes, I should, *if* I was in his budget situation...with no insurance payment ($125), not having to put out $225/month for gas (which he doesn’t pay), or oil changes ($40) and all those fun things. All he has to pay is $425 for rent and $125 for Comcast. Well hell, I wish I had that little for set monthly expenses.

I’m going to be cleaning the kitchen and vacuuming the apartment today as well as setting up my altar. I have to figure out what to do with a couple of pieces of furniture in my room as it’s not really fitting in and I don’t need it.

NEW CELL NUMBER!!!

Due to a massive amount of overseas telemarketing calls between 1 and 5am...I've changed my phone number to 651-366-2878  (aka 651-FON-BUST or 651-DOM-BUST), either way, it's better than the 612-703-LALA I had...

Terrible Tuesdays

So yeah, yesterday officially sucked.

Work was slow, Financial stress sucks, and I had to power clean the apartment before showing it to Jody last night.  Chris and I had just gotten home when my cell rang.  My step-mom was calling and let me know that my uncle Bill had passed away.  He went to bed on Monday night and didn't wake up yesterday morning. 

It's been a rough day and I get to go marching into TCF today and see if they are willing to do anything in regards to their new (unannounced) policy on how they process debits and credits.  They now process debits from largest to smallest each day.  So if you have 10 transactions and the last one (chronologically) would overdraft you you would have 1 NSF fee right?  WRONG!  You could have as many as 9.  As they process in descending *amounts* if the last transaction was the largest, you could have a number of smaller transactions that are each ringing up the NSF fee.  This is what happened to me.  I had *5* transactions under $10 that each got an NSF fee.  The phone bankers flat out told me that they do the transactions in descending order because it allows them to get more fees. (That's not something I'd admit to my customers even if it was true!).

As I have received no updated terms and conditions from the bank, for them to change their processing procedures would seem to be bad business practice (for the customers).  I know it's my fault for overdrafting, but having them stack the transaction deck to allow themselves to get more service charges is *not* my fault.

I figured out my budget today and realized that with that lovely bite missing from my account, I'm still negative with the one check that I have out.  It's "only" a $45 difference, but since the bank got over $160 for the NSF fees...if they reverse them (HAHAHAHAHA...yeah right), the check will clear painlessly and I can get groceries and gas.  Otherwise my car insurance check will be going boing boing boing...which isn't good.

I'm off to attempt to look like I'm working and to call TCF and see if they can reverse these fees.

Long ass weekend...

Yeah.  I worked all day Friday (til 7pm) and headed home.  I had intended to do laundry, get a couple of hours of sleep, then head out at 3am to drive down to Mackinaw, IL for my brother Derek's wedding.  I would show ya'll a map of the trip...but it's a spaghetti bowl at times.

I didn't get anything done at home and I wasn't feeling all that great, so I was was thinking of just bailing out on it.  I went out to get Taco Bell at 1:30am and wound up grabbing stuff for the trip and heading out at 2am on no sleep.

The route down is "normal".  US52 to US63 to I-380 to I-80 to I-74.  7.5 hours down to Mackinaw.   I got there, helped with some of the final touches on the beach location for the ceremony then helped get the lodge ready for the reception.  I snuck in a quick shower before heading back to the beach for the shortest but best wedding I've seen.  The *entire* ceremony was less than 10 minutes.  They had the most beautiful vows, I kept waiting for a reference to the Lord and Lady.  Very Pagan-esque vows and the energy was very palpable around the entire scene.  There were some people partying on boats in the lake.  Within 90 seconds of the ceremony starting, they were quiet and watching the ceremony.  When Derek kissed Lana, they were clapping along with those of us on the beach.

After the receiving line, we all headed over the the lodge for the reception.  I didn't have a job assigned, but I put myself in the kitchen making sure that things were topped up, plates and such were available, all that stuff.  Once it wound down, I kept consolidating down the left overs and cleaning up the serving pans.  I didn't think of it as a big job, but rather more of a job needing to be done.  I left the reception about 6:45 and got back to Derek and Lana's house about 7.  I diddle a bit and was in bed at 7:15.  I was out like a light and woke up at 9am Sunday morning only because dad woke me up.

I got up and wasn't feeling all that great, but I had breakfast and was back in the truck to head home.  I did my usual stop at Avanti's and got two whole gondolas.  I got back on I-74 and was heading west.  I got up to the Quad Cities and wasn't feeling good at all but hey, after that much driving, who does feel good?  I decided to take a different route back since I had left much earlier than expected.  I took US67 up from I-80 all the way to it's northern terminus at Sabula, IA.  From there, it was US52 north to Dubuque.  I stopped in Dubuque and filled up the tank with premium 93 octane for $3.029.  I could have gone with regular for 2.82 a gallon, but hell, I figured I'd be nice to my truck.

I headed into Wisconsin on US61/151 and started heading north to LaCrosse.  I was merrily zinging along the highway lost in my own thoughts about the wedding and if I'd ever have a wedding of my own and how wonderful it was, in spite of it all.  I was heading along through Vernon County and saw a turn-off for County M.  I made a quick (and way too fast turn) and followed it to County J....to County C.  I knew where I was going...but not where I was going.  As I turned right on County C, I realized that I was driving in front of my ex Brian's parents house.  I did a quick U-turn and drove in a blood red rage back to Soldier's Grove and back to US61.  I continued heading north and was feeling even worse than I had been before.  I was hitting most every gas station and wayside rest for water and bathroom needs.  There was a lovely detour on US14/61 south of LaCrosse that involved a massive winding clusterfuck through some small ass town who's name is escaping me at the moment.  I finally got up to LaCrosse and realized that the northwestern sky was turning very dark.  From LaCrosse to Rochester on I-90, it was hazy...then it was like driving into a waterfall...then about a mile or two later, right back out of it. I finally made it to Rochester about 8:30.  I pulled into an SA just off US52 and went into get some Pepto and yet more water.  It was grey and gloomy.  I walked back out a few minutes later and the world was a fiery copper color as the sun was peeking from behind the clouds.  I was an amazing sight that really lifted my spirits and reminded me just how much the God and Goddess are truly everywhere.  I said a quick prayer and thanked them for showing me their beauty and headed back north on US52.  I got in about 10pm last night and sat in front of the computer for waaaay too long.  I fell asleep sitting there around 1am and woke up about 3am.  I was still having major problems and I'm not sure if I had slept those three hours or if I'd actually just passed out sitting up.  I don't remember anything and I'd not slumped over.  It was odd to say the least.  I finally did get tired enough and felt decent enough to go to bed around 5:30 this morning. 

My alarm went off at nine and it took everything I had to get up and get going this morning.  I finally got myself up and going. I got into work and until about 3pm, I was in a horrid mood.  I was very angry and still stewing over the problems with my "paid vacation" fiasco.  I'm trying to get next Wed-Fri off (unpaid) but it would be very nice to have a few days alone with Chris being on vacation in California from this Friday until next Saturday.

Overall, I'm glad I did make the trip to Illinois.  I could have missed the food poisoning/sickness from the reception, but otherwise, it was a really good trip.

Cell-less

Hey gang, just as a heads up...

I’m without cell service for a few days. If you need to get in contact with me, either e-mail or IM me.

A full(er) update tomorrow.

Hoo doggie! Political rant ahead...

Everyone in the country is currently up in arms about the wars being fought and the rapid erosion of personal freedoms, yet they moo and baa in the herd. This country was founded on the basis of a revolution, birthed from an oppressive ruler who didn’t listen to the colonists, and finally paid for by the lives of those who say the injustices who gave their lives so that we could have our freedoms. Now everyone says they are outraged, but no one does anything. They whine and complain, but don’t take action. The freedoms our forefathers died for are being taken away and there is a sizable population of this country who supports it.

It’s not that government doesn’t work. The government is working extremely well. It has become so detached from us, the population of the country, that it is no functioning semi-autonomously. It looks out for it’s own self-interest, will take drastic actions when cornered, and is willing to sacrifice others in its own defense.

It is the basic premise of the Founding Fathers that has failed. The USA was born out of a belief that there could be a better country, one which enshrined Freedoms in the laws of the land. Our founding fathers originally gave most of the powers to the States, not the Federal government. However, through the slippery slope of Supreme Court decisions and a populace who feigns disgust and anger at what is happening, the Federal government has trampled the Constitution, violated the human rights of its own citizens as well as “enemy combatants”, and the people keep up the baas and lullabies .

I’ve never considered myself to be a political activist nor do I truly want to be one. But, when I see our great country being trashed and destroyed by the current administration, it makes me sick. To see the masses, sitting back, going with the flow and saying “We only have two more years of the current administration”...it makes me angry.

As much as people loved to hate President Clinton, what was the one thing that truly destroyed his presidency? Was it Monica Lewinsky? No. It was LIES. He lied to Congress about engaging in sexual activities with “that woman”. We know now that the Bush administration lied as well. It lied about Weapons of Mass Destruction, it lied about 9/11, it lied about it’s own response to Hurricane Katrina, and the lies about those cost thousands of people their lives. All the while, the current administration has been systematically removing freedoms from the people. Clinton’s sexcapades were laughed off in the rest of the world, as most countries have had similar situations. A former French PM has his mistress living in the Presidential mansion along with his wife. It was shrugged off in the world and it was as if the world were ending here in the US. Clinton’s legacy is a sticky proposition (pun intended). The fiscal health of the country was strong, the economy was actually doing well with unemployment remaining low as well as the inflation rate. On the world stage, the Koreas were talking about food aid, family exchanges, and there were programs allowing people to cross the DMZ to see family members they had not seen in almost 50 years. Iran had elected a moderate regime and took the first toddling steps towards a more moderate country. Yes, there were problems in Rwanda, Bosnia, and such, but if you think that the entire world will *ever* settle into one big happy peaceful planet, I want some of what you are smoking, taking, or shooting up.

Bush’s presidency started out quietly. Within 9 moths, September 11th, 2001 occured. They are a million unanswered questions that surround 9/11, but the one commonly heard in the baaahing masses was “Why did they do this to us?”

Well, here’s your history lesson. Remember President Reagan (Ronald not Nancy) supported the Northern Alliance in Afghanistan to drive the Russians out. The American government promised to give the Northern Alliance and the people of Afghanistan millions (if not billions) of dollars to rebuild their shattered country. As soon as the Russians were driven out, the American troops and the money disappeared. The irony of this, the leader of the Northern Alliance was...Osama bin Laden. Twenty years later, Osama bin Laden, as the leader of the Northern Alliance (now known as the Taleban), sees a fat lazy America raking in billions of dollars, sporting a fat surplus in the budget, and doing all these “good things” in the world.

So now we see a motive for 9/11? Ah history, that part of the equation that most Americans don’t know about, don’t want to know about, and don’t realize just how important it is... The US has a long history of supporting unsavory types in the name of promoting “regional stability”. Manuel Noriega of Nicaragua, General Pinochet of Chile, Saddam Hussein during the Iran/Iraq war of the 1980s. Did the American people say anything? No. Do most Americans even know who the first two people are? No, sadly they don’t. Most Americans can’t name all the states or find them on a map. They don’t know why George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, or Abraham Lincoln are on our currency.


In summary, the US has a long history of being a world superpower. Now with the rise of India, China, Australia, and the EU, the “New World Order” isn’t about a master takeover by the Americans, rather it seems to be the dismissal of the Americans as the “lone superpower” after the collapse of the former USSR. I say we relinquish this “we’re better than everyone else” attitude in the world and turn our own eyes inward. Our educational system is failing. Our healthcare system is failing. Our infrastructure is failing in my parts of the country. But hey, let’s keep pumping over $2,000,000,000 (that’s two billion) dollars a year into Israel in the form of foreign aid. Do they really need it? We are so worried about spreading democracy around the world, but if our children here at home remain healthy enough to reach the age of 18, they don’t have enough education to understand their importance to the democratic system.

I am NOT advocating isolationism. Far from it, the US needs to remain engaged in the world, however, I firmly believe that we should take care of our own people first and in doing so, we lead by example. We set forth a set of values in our grandstanding, but we don’t believe them at home. In the business world, it’s called eating your own dog food. Let’s properly fund our schools, let’s stop the elections being fouled, let’s make sure everyone has basic health coverage or at least has access to basic medical care. When we show the higher moral ground of taking care of ourselves and quit trying to shove our beliefs down their throats, the rest of the world will realize that the United States of America is a great country and we will be showing it through leadership, not force.

Vote JT for President 2008!

The best laid plans...

Chris and I ran by TCF on the way home so I could give him the vast majority of my share of the rent. My share is 425 and I gave him 380. A couple of off expenses kept me from paying him all of it. I’m still very happy that I was able to do 380. I owe him 52.50 for the rest. I contacted my car insurance company. I pay my policy for five months and have a month ‘off’. That also means I’m paying about 6 days in advance for each month and I have a 10 day grace to make a payment. I still have insurance on my truck. I’ll be paying that on the 15th which I can do easily. I’ll still be in Illinois next weekend for Derek’s wedding. Having almost all of rent paid this week and bumping my insurance out two weeks allows that to happen, along with an oil change, and enough money for gas down and back...as well as that week of work. T-Mobile will just have to wait. I’m hoping to pay the past due portion and avoid even a temporary disconnection for the trip down to IL.

Otherwise, we hit KFC for popcorn chicken (mmm...dinner) and then came home. I settled in for a night of writing and opened up my novel and ran down the hall to start my laundry. I looked around the apartment in disgust and that was that. I’ve done the dishes, vacuumed the apartment, cleaned the cat boxes, took out the trash, and cleaned my room. My laundry should be dry here in about 10 minutes. I’m going to fold and hang as necessary as I put it away. Then it’ll be off to the shower and then bed.

I didn’t accomplish anything on my writing tonight, but I feel like I’ve gotten a lot done today.

Because I was able to pay almost all my share of rent, Chris is much happier. I’m much happier that the apartment is now much cleaner and I have clean clothes. I had planned on spending the weekend cleaning, but now all I need to do is mop the kitchen floor and my bathroom floor. I need to do some minor stuff around my room, but damn, I feel *so* much better. Tired, but mentally, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

*looks skyward and thanks the Lord and Lady*

Follow up to previous post

Okay. I've not decided to just up and move to Alabama.

Alabama is my fallback/emergency parachute. I *really* do not want to move to Alabama.

Part of me is actually looking forward to not having a cell phone, always there IM, and all that good stuff. I can finally get away from random people messaging me at any time for asinine reasons (or worse, wanting to have sex with me). I cancelled my XM subscription yesterday, as well as my subscription to Final Fantasy XI Online, T-Mobile will be cut off in the next few days, and I'm going to disconnect myself from the Comcast services such that I'm not responsible for any usage there.

I love how Chris is pissed off at me for being short of rent. He doesn't seem to grasp the fact that I have a ton of other bills that he doesn't have to worry about. I have the $50/wk in gas since he almost never helps with that. I have the $120/mo for my car insurance. He likes to drive my truck to get lunch and occasionally on the weekend, but he's not paying for anything related to it. Nevermind the fact that I'm paying our electric bill myself and also our water bill. Chris has paid for laundry *once*. The rest of the time, I've paid for it and done it or I've taken it over to s house and done it there.

Yeah, I'm a bit cranky about this especially when video games appear in our mailbox and pizza is ordered twice a week.

I'd like to be able to not have to worry about my car insurance (now cancelled), or gas, or things like that.

I may have a new roommate lined up. Strange things happen at work. I'll update later when I have more of a clue.