Why are men pigs?

Okay, who knows what lurks in the hearts of men.

I returned to St. Cloud on Friday afternoon.

I went to the Vampyre game on Friday night with Owen and puttered around on Saturday. I did my radio show Sunday morning and aside from a couple of glaring f*ckups, it went really well.

Today; Alex, Panhia, Jamie (I think), Dawit, and I went to the quarry to go swimming. Sometime I'll get over my fear of bodies of water.

So I've been talking to Sean some more and I think I'm just getting played. He acts like he's interested in me and does all the right things, but yet when it comes time to get together or hang out, he always avoids it.

I give up. Men are just not worth it. They truly aren't.

Oh, this will be *fun*

I'm heading to the cities for the weekend. Tomorrow is Joe's birthday, so Dan and he are going to the Bear Bar Night. *yawn* I'm hoping to spend some time with Sean this weekend. I'd be happy with that.

I'm going to be heading to the clinic to get something taken care of and in the course of that will be a rectal exam and probably a colonoscopy. *bleh* I'm *so* not looking forward to this.

Golden throats...

Well, it's the weekend. I'm doing my usual 2a-6a Sat/Sun shift, but I'm also adding in the 2p-4p Reggae Sunsplash show on Saturday.

Things seem to be moving forward with Sean after all :)

We'll see how it all shakes out.

7:30am classes suck...hard!

Ugh. My 7:30am Sociology 268 class is painful. Monotone professor who is unorganized, uses powerpoint presentations as lectures, and keeps most of the lights off most of the time. *zzzzz*

COMM 276 has gotten *very* interesting, I'll be the weather anchor on Monday's newscast and I'll be a cameraman on Wednesdays. I'm excited. :)

In KVSC news, I'll be doing some fill-in shifts here and there, but I'm going to be doing Fri-Sun 2a-6am and Tu 11p-2a as my "normal" shifts.

I'll be doing next Tuesday's Diversions show from 4:30-7 and then Saturday's Radio Roulette from 4-7pm. The Diversions show will be mostly didgeridoo music and the Radio Roulette will be "One Hit Wonders"

Radio ga ga

KVSC is goin really well. I need to settle down into one or two nights and get my show's personality built.

Last nights (Saturday 2a-6a) show went really really well. The music mix was good, production tight, and I didn't make that many talking errors. :)

I have to write my two COMM 220 papers this weekend. They are do no later than 4pm on Monday. I have the answers for the take home final formulated. I have most of my analysis paper in my head, so I just need to sit down and actually write the paper.

As for my love life, well, I'm not going to let Mike cause me to freeze up. Just because I have love to give and I've learned to open myself up, doesn't mean that I have to give him the ability to have control over me and to run my life.

Tentative KVSC schedule (aside from any fill-in work) is Fr/Sa/Su/Tu (2am-6am). Between school and KVSC, I don't really have time to date anyone... And it's not like I'm going to find anyone in St. Cloud.

Thank god for days off...

KVSC is a blast...but oofda that 2a-6a shift takes some getting used to especially if you do it often...

I hung out with Aaron Anderson (6-9am Thurs) this morning and we did a transitional morning show this morning.

I love KVSC. It's fun. It's nice to know that people do listen and they appreciate what we do.

On the personal front, I'm starting to feel my heart freeze over. I'm fighting it, but I can feel it happening. Sean's whole "I'm not going to compete bit, but then still trying to be all flirty friendly" and Mike's whole "you don't fit into my life plan" have pretty much pushed me back into a defensive posture that involves a lot more distance and seperation...

Song of the day...for Mike "Missing Your Love" by Jonny Lang

Ooga Booga

Okay, Sundays are not filled, Wednesdays opened up for a lil while, and now Mondays are definately filled. The normal Wed 2a-6a person for KVSC got suspended, so that's an open shift. I'm still debating about covering it. I'm going to try to sleep for a while, then I'll see how tired I am.

I got my preliminary grade on our COMM 220 Media Notebook. It's tentatively a B-. I'm not amused. I'll be working on it, the take-home exam, and the research paper this weekend.

Otherwise, I'm going to read more 'shtuff' in ESCI 407 and then crash for the afternoon.

Day 2 is done...

Well, I just finished off my 2nd overnight shift. It's getting a lot easier as I'm adjusting to the routine. The highlight of tonight's show was the severe weather in the area that did wind up affecting Stearns County. (St. Cloud is on the far eastern edge of Stearns County.)

Sunday's 2a-6a Insomnia Heaven shift is now filled as well. So I'm down to doing Insomnia Heaven on Sat/Mon/Tue/Wed now. I'd like to lose that Saturday and just do the M-W part of it.

Aaron's still chatty. He's seems miffed that I did as well on our first ESCI 407 test as I did. I got a 90% so I'm quite happy with that A- :) I didn't think I'd done quite that well. I was expecting the low to mid 80s for a grade.

It's time for me to curl up and nap for a couple of hours before I head off to class at 10am. At least I don't have to worry about the show for the next two days. I'll just be listening to them and trying to make my shows just a little bit better.

Song of the day: Johnny Lang "Missing Your Love"
Oh. My. God! Listen to this song...worship it. It's totally amazing!

I *did* it!

Welp, I'm officially doing the 2a-6am shift on KVSC from Saturday through Wednesday. WOOHOO!

Insomnia Heaven is my baby now five days a week...

*nervous but looking forward to it*

Another day...

I'm back to reading When Things Go Wrong by Pema Chodron.

I need the mental support and tools to deal with my personal life and find that mental grounding that I need.

I've not decided how to handle Mike. He doesn't want a relationship so that's right out but yet I just feel like I've been burned one too many times. I can't explain it, but it's a bad feeling that it's a cyclical thing that would keep happening.

At least Mike will have his professional life to keep him company as he pushes the people who try to care for him away. This is quite amazingly similar to what Alex had said back in 2000.

I'm starting to wonder if it's *me* that's defective, broken, mal-adjusted or what ever you want to call it.

Only time will tell the true nature of men's hearts and our own souls.

I'm off to work on The Pioneers for a while. Love may escape me in real life, but I can write about it.

Boom! Boom! Out go the lights...

Let's eee here...

My last training session at KVSC sounded like sh*t since I'm battling this massive sinus infection (thankfully going away).

One of the guys I'm interested in after finding out that out of all the guys that are after me, I've only found three interesting, announced "I'm not going to compete for a man" and that's the last I've heard from him. Interesting. There is no "competition" as it was a statement that very few of the guys who are after me do I find worthy of me.

Josh, from St. Paul, is an enigma. He's gorgeous, smart, funny, romantic, and all those other wonderful things. However, he's in St. Paul, I live in St. Cloud and we both don't have cars. This will be interesting...

Mikey...oh Mikey...

Well, any hopes I had of that working out where dashed against the rocks, the remaining bits burned, and survivors shot.

Mikey has this amazing ability to know how to hurt me at my weakest moment.

I was talking to him tonight...told him how I truly felt about him (I love him) and why...how we've both seen each other at our worst...been there for each other. I've pushed people away and held others at bay because of how I feel for Mike. I'm totally bared to him and the the world.

Mikey's response basically informed me that I wasn't in his plans and outlook for the next few years of his life (maybe up to seven) and that it was scary that he assumed his personality was fixed (as in molded and permanently frozen) and that he'd be facing life alone.

"I can't help it if I have *major* commitment problems." Oh great, so now I feel like a complete schmuck for holding the torch for Mike and in reality, I had no chance in hell.

Wonderful, Sean's out of my life, Mikey's taken himself out...and Josh, the first sincerely interesting find of the last year or so, appears at a time when I'd most likely to rebound 8-\

WHY?! What the fuck did I do to deserve shit like this?

Pointless trips...

Health Services sent me back to Dr. Bennett. I guess I'm supposed to go rob a money tree to get my back taken care of...

Otherwise, I've decided I'm changing my major to Earth Science Education with a minor in Human Relations.

I have one more on-air training session at KVSC. 10p Wed - 2am Thu with Christopher someone...

I should take my on-air competency test Friday/Monday and then be set free on my own show(s).

I'm still wanting to do the Sa/Su/M/Tu/W block from 2a-6a.

I think that would rock :)

Our ESCI 407 test wasn't that tough...though I don't think I did as well as I'd like to have done.

We get our take-home final in COMM 220 today. It's due next Thursday along with our analysis paper.

Bad pain...

I'm off to Health Services to get my back looked at. It's starting to sieze up and just hurt like a mofo quite often. I'm losing the feeling in my legs again. 8-\

This stuff sucks.