Well, that was certainly interesting... SCSU h...

Well, that was certainly interesting...

SCSU had a campus wide power failure for about an hour tonight. We still don't know what happened, but they were able to cut us over to an alternate grid feed from Xcel Energy.

We have power back now...

So much hope...and so much fear

Okay.. Pema Chodron teaches to embrace fear and to become friends with it.

Ther's the coolest (and cutest) guy in Cleveland who thinks I'm the cats meow. He's way way smart and quite handsome. He's a research biology major aiming for his Ph.D. by age 23!

Talk about drive!

Who knows what might happen with him. We both think the other is all that but there is still that St. Cloud to Cleveland distance and both of us are hip deep with school.

I think it's a great opportunity to get to know him and see how things go. If they don't, they don't. If they do, they do.

But I have to conquer my fear of relationships first. I'm scared of moving forward with any depth, and I'm scared that I might let one go...

*searches for the inner strength*

I was just reading my friends list....and someone...

I was just reading my friends list....and someone who I thought I'd taken off my friends list was posting assorted comments during the day and commented on the song "Better Be Home Soon" by Crowded House. It's from the CD "Temple of Low Men" which is by far and away my favorite from Crowded House. Then he posts an a-ha song "Crying In The Rain".

I didn't realize that anyone else in the world had musical taste like mine...but less as good as mine *laugh*

Now if only I could get him hooked on Dream Academy and Vitamin Z...

Well, I finally have Stocky Jock imported to my l...

Well, I finally have Stocky Jock imported to my local machine. Now I can work on getting the site up and running.

In other news...I will be tracking down Dr. Heneghan (who is to be the faculty advisor to the amateur radio club) as he's seemingly MIA.

I need to get a list of all the people and their school ids together along with our constitution so we can get recognized by University Organiations and hopefully get our radio room back in Headley Hall.

I leave Wednesday for four days in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Why the hell wasn't any of this stuff in the bulletin so I'd know what to expect in my classes.

Oh well. I guess at some point I should have expected and unexpected semester of wierdness.

Today's Word for the Wise

Lazyballing (adj) 1. state of wearing no underwear, due to being apathetic about putting on said garment.

Related words: Freeballing, Renegade, Kilt

Going straight...

I've had the oddest idea floating around the back of my head for a while.

I'm constantly getting nowhere with men, I can't seem to get a date to save my life, and well, I constantly have women hitting on me.

Should I just give up on men entirely and date women for a while?

I've done it before (I experimented in college). It's not an *unenjoyable* experience...but the emotional depth to have a relationship with a woman just isn't there. I *know* I like men.

*ugh* I think I'm just so fed up with the games and bullshit that most gay men have with relationships that I'm just having a "the grass is always greener" kinda day.

Oh hell no.

So I go to the hall council meeting...

*CHEERS* I wasn't elected to anything. I'm on no commitees. I'm just a resident (one who will hopefully be divesting himself of the hall website within the next few weeks.

They announced the Homecoming theme for this year...

I kid you not...

"HuskyWood"

My mind went *deep* into the gutter. I'm hoping for a nice logo for it...and I'll steal it for Stocky Jock. Now I know why I went to St. Cloud State..."HUSKYWOOD!"

Otherwise, it's been an okay day. We're sitting at nine people for the amateur radio club and I got my laundry done.

All in all, I got everything I wanted to get done today...and then some!

It's just one of those days... The presentatio...

It's just one of those days...

The presentation to the National Weather Association went well. Looks like we got 3 or 4 people who are interested.

Otherwise, I'm just doing it day to day.

Life is good aside from being somewhat boring. I'm trying to work on my novel in small bits here and there. It will be nice if I get back onto that track and make some mjore major progress.

Okay, I couldn't resist this one...

What's *Your* Sex Sign?

Well, the Amateur Radio Club is moving forward. ...

Well, the Amateur Radio Club is moving forward. I'm doing a presentation in front of the National Weather Association chapter tomorrow at 4pm and I hope to pull together a few more people for it there.

The Hall Council elections are running along quite well. I know a few people have voted for me (as they've told me) but I'm seriously hoping I do *not* get elected. If I am, I'll do the best I can do in the job. I'm content with being the webmaster of the Hall website.

I'm off on a field trip for my EAS 307 (Field Geology) class this weekend. We're going to be doing some mapping in Northeast Minnesota (the Iron Range and Sunday we're going on the Tower/Soudan mine tour (ROCK!!).

Overall, it's not a bad week. I'm going to be upgrading my computer this week. The field trip should be fun. I'll be posting pix from the trip late on Sunday or more likely Monday afternoon.

Memories...

I moved all my old 2001 and 2002 Blogger entries into LiveJournal tonight and was reading them as I moved them all over.

I realized just how much Mikey had touched my heart and my soul. I totally fell in love with him. He taught me to see things in a different light, to let go of the past and live in the present.

I never realized just how much I loved him and how much I care for him and worry about him.

For whatever reason, Mikey and I weren't meant to be. I still have a wonderful friend out of it but it's still the occasional twinge of pain when I think about him. I still have strong feelings for him and I'm still learning to slowly ground out those energies and channel those feeling into something productive.

I just hope that Mikey finds someone in his life who makes him feel as good as he makes me feel.

Well, hell...

I said I was going to sit down and rebuild my personal website...

I got close. I moved all my old HTML and Blogger journal entries into LiveJournal...

but that's it.

*ugh* Now to start doing something with my personal site...

For some reason, I'm just totally in the shitter ...

For some reason, I'm just totally in the shitter today.

I'm curled up in bed crying, pondering the meaning of gay life. I mean, I know I can't just suddenly be "not gay" but damn...

All I want is a decent date with a decent guy. Is that so much to ask? I don't want sex. I don't want to see or think about his cock. A nice dinner date, taking a long walk along the botanical gardens on the other side of the river and maybe sitting and making out for a while.

Don't get me wrong, I love sex. (Oh, do I ever!). I just want a *relationship*. Getting off is something I can do by myself and it leaves me feeling a lot better than if I was tricking around and feeling like a slut.

The last few guys who've asked me out, just wanted to fuck. I know that it's a guy thing to be always horny and willing to fuck most anything that moves, but not all of us are like that and not all of us like to be thought of as "sex gods" who are there to provide pleasures on a whim.

I can really see why there is a sizeable population of gay men who are depressed and sick of the "lifestyle"/"culture" and how it treats it's own members.

*hops off his soapbox and shuffles away, broken hearted and broken spirited*

Today is one of those grey gloomy day. *yawn* ...

Today is one of those grey gloomy day.

*yawn* Today is going to be a day of cat naps and wasted hours.

But, now that I have my laptop on the campus network, I can easily work on my novel and lay in bed...

So, I am :)

Okay, it's true. I'm clinical. My day starts ...

Okay, it's true. I'm clinical.

My day starts at 5am. I wander across campus to report to the Public Safety off where I find a beefy redheaded cub sitting behind the desk. I have to stand and wait about five minutes for them to find an available officer to let me into the building so I can do the KVSC Morning Show...

The Morning Show went really well...I'm quite liking the morning show!

I went to my 11am class and nearly fell asleep. We spent just shy of an hour learning how to copy/move/delete files in Windows Explorer. (yawn).

I snarfed down lunch and went to my EAS 260 lab and blew through that in about 15 minutes. My instructor paid me a huge compliment "You know you just showed you are a complete weather geek." for having finished our observation coding/plotting lab in about 15 minutes.

I headed home...diddled around for a while...didn't really do much of anything other than install updates for Win2k on my laptop.

I had dinner around 7:45 with Joe (BK yet again) and we headed back to the hall. I cleaned up a lil and we went to Hall Council.

I'm nominated for President of Hall Council and will also continue on as webmaster.

We were all in stitches with Hall Council as we played the Toilet Game. It's basically charades with a folding chair. The *audience* knows the chair is really a "toilet" but the victim doesn't.

The "bodybuilder posing" was absolutely hysterical with all the grunts and moans that went with all the flexing...

We retired to the 'front porch' of the dorm and were hanging out when my cell rang...

Xakk (the training director at KVSC and host of the Undercurrents punks show Tuesdays 10p-11p) was calling...

"You're supposed to be on the air right now"

"Huh?"

Yes, I was indeed supposed to be on the air. I was signed up to do the 11p-2a tonight (Tuesday into Wednesday)...

I did my shift and it was quite interesting...

I did a good deal of rotation music (stuff we have that is new/fresh) but also some just silly/wierd/goofy shit. Thankfully, Alex was in to cover me as I had my brain falling apart.

My day started at 5am....it's now 3am the next day. I have class at 10am.

*screams*

Good night all...

Along the lines of dealing with more down to eart...

Along the lines of dealing with more down to earth gay people, I've decided that I'm going to avoid the St. Cloud room on gay.com for a couple of weeks, if not for a few months.

I'm rarely on IRC nowadays and I don't see the point of wasting time on gay.com watching the drama and dealing with shallow bitchy queens who are intent on furthering their own sex lives and making sure that no one can show signs of being an independent person with a glimmer of personality or charm. (also known as threatening the crown of the Queen *laugh*)

I think all in all, it'll be good for me to re-ground myself in reality and focus myself on my novel.

I need to get over my fear of age rejection and s...

I need to get over my fear of age rejection and size rejection and make myself go to a GLBT Services OutLoud meeting and/or an Alliance meeting.

I need to make some new friends and who knows, maybe I can actually find a decent down to earth guy who's looking for something besides a quick trick.

We'll see what happens...

*ugh* It's 11pm, I'm just finishing laundry. ...

*ugh*

It's 11pm, I'm just finishing laundry. I have to get up at 5am to do the morning show on KVSC. Well, it's a growth experience. I've never done the morning show, so it'll be interesting...

Otherwise, life is not too bad.

I'll post more tomorrow after I do the morning show.

If you want to brave listening to me, KVSC Listen Live.

Those long in depth conversations...

I was talking to a friend of mine tonight.

I spent about two hours listening to him describe how others see him, how others do this and others do that...

And yet, when I'd ask him about how he viewed something, he had no idea.

It was like he'd totally detached from his own life.

It's painful for me to wrap my head around it. I can't imagine living my life totally based on what others think of me and trying to constantly mold my own life to fit others expectations...

I. want. drugs.

Some how, I've managed to aggravate my back again. I have no idea how, but I I'm barely able to walk. I have very limited sensation from the hips down. My back feels like it's on fire and like someone is stabbing my low back with a knife over and over again.

I've gotten to the point where I don't really care any more. It's such a constant burning pain that it clouds everything. I can't focus to read, I've laid down a few times to try and sleep, but no luck there. The pain keeps me from getting to sleep.

Hopefully, I'll hear about my MinnesotaCare soon. I *have* to get my steroid series done. Soon.

School is going to be endured but yet it will be the distraction that keeps me going. If this doesn't clear up in the next day or two, I'll be considering dropping from the staff at KVSC for this term at least.

And that's your 10pm news update...

Welcome to mncub!

Well, I've recruited another bear into LJ.

Welcome mncub (a.k.a Joe, my dorm roommate) into our happy little family.

I just wonder what I've done to the new world order.

Amateur Radio Club status...

One of my projects here at school has been to restart the amateur radio club on campus.

I've managed to find about a dozen people who are interested, a faculty advisor, and have started work on a constitution.

All is good on this project.

I'm hoping to have all our paperwork turned in by the end of next week.

*does the happy bear dance*

Thank God for Thursdays...

One class. CSCI 169: Computers in Society.

It's the class to teach you how to use M$ Office.

That's it, that's all, nothing else.

Will be a nice change compared to say, assembly programming for a MIPS.

I like easy 3 credit classes.

One day down....lots more to go

Well, I made it through my first day of classes.

I'm tired and sick of dealing with the administration and class changes.

Tomorrow is another day (and a much easier day). Thankfully, I only have my Computers in Society class (a.k.a How to use M$ Office).

I'm off to lay down for a bit before dinner.

I *HATE* St. Cloud State.

Okay, I roll into my 9am class (Math 115: Precalculus) and find out that I *can't* take the class since I've not taken the SCSU placement test. Now the Academic Advising Center told be I would be able to take it without taking the placement test since I had taken it previously, but not passed it, when I was in junior college. *GROWL*

So, I wander into my EAS 260 class to be informed that if I fail the class, I will have a *very* difficult time making it in the Meterorology program. I don't have the Physics pre-req for the class, but the prof is allowing me to take it anyway. I have the prof for my advisor, so my ass is on the line all over the place.

I've now dropped Math 115 and replaced it with *another* EAS class. I'm taking EAS 307 (Field Geology).

My schedule now looks like this:

CSCI 169 (Introduction to Computers):
T/Th 11a-12:15p

EAS 260 (Introduction to Meteorology):
MWF 10-10:50am
Tu 12:30p-1:45p (lab)

EAS 307 (Field Geology)
M 3-3:50p
F 2-4:50pm (lab)

EAS 322 (Surficial and Glacial Geology)
M 2-2:50p
W 2-4:50pm (lab)

Now how's that for a fractured to hell schedule?!

It's 13credits (full time) so my financial aid doesn't get screwed up, and I think it might be better for me anyway as it'll let me be more settled for the Pre-Calc class.

I'm covering the 2p-4p shift on KVSC today. I'm doing a fill-in for a fill-in. We're *so* short of staff right now, it's not funny.

Ugh!

Okay, I'm on the air in three hours (11p CT) until 2am. My brain has kicked into overdrive about my novel and it's bouncing around my head.

Maybe I'll drag a notebook to the station and try to get some of this excess mental activity taken care of.

Oh well. Now if only I could have this kind of luck with say....finding a man. I'd be much happier!

Gay men, twinks, and image

Off the wall thought for the day:

Yes, I'm generalizing, I know that...

Could the attraction of most gay men to thin guys be attributed to the fact that the thinner body is what is idealized in the heterosexual community?

Supermodels that are twigs are tauted as the epitome of femininity.

Most gay men go for twiggy guys. Could it be they are still trying to conform to their societally programmed heterosexism? Has the mass media has programmed them to the point that they are following the "drives" that heterosexual men are supposed to follow? The Gap and A&F puts out new clothing and *wowie* it's all the latest gay rage.

Why can't gay men just be themselves, be who or what they want to be?

Just a thought I had while double checking my fall schedule

School's Cool!

My first class is at 9am Wednesday. I got books and supplies today. I'm just happy to still be in school. My GPA is on the way up and I'm actually excited about my classes and ready to face the challenges they will bring.

My one easy class is CSCI 169 where they teach us the basics of computers and how to use M$ Office (I'll stick to OpenOffice.org.

Math 115 (PreCalc) and EAS 260 (Intro to Meteorology) will be my two tough classes.

I'm not sure how my EAS 322 class (Surficial/Glacial Geology) will go. It'll be interesting and fun, but I don't know how difficult/easy it will be.

Through some damn hard work and dedication, I was able to get myself ahead in my classes and will be on course to complete my degree in 2006 without a lot of extra hair pulling of remedial math courses.

I'm on my way, so either clear the path or get run over!

Websites, Websites, Websites...

Three new stories for Stocky Jock have arrived, so those are being editing into the site. I'm hoping to have them done by Wednesday morning, along with a new gallery of some good G pix of myself.

I'm hoping that my friend Terry Jamro will post up a new SJ gallery or two soon. He's a totally hot guy and a co-founder of Stocky Jock.

Once I'm done with that, I get to tackle the rebuild of my college dorm website. That one will be more time consuming, but easier.

Classes start Wednesday at 9am (ugh), I can't believe the summer is gone already.

Move-in

Move-In starts in 40 minutes downstairs. I'm a bit nervous about all this all of a sudden. I don't know why, but I think it's the idea of meeting 500 people and their parents and trying to be civil and nice to them all.

I just finally got the Sherburne site sorta fixed. It's using the standard white background, black text, with "cherry" highlights scheme that most of the other sites on campus use.

I'll work on it more tomorrow.

In the mean time, I'm off to run for President!
(or would I just be a Queen without a country? *LAUGH*)

*Yawn*

It's 7:30am. I was awakened by a 15 minute thunderstorm that blew through and awakened me from a perfectly wierd but interesting dream.

At least the light show was cool. I saw a couple of good ground strikes including one clsoe enough I could hear the sizzle of the bolt! It must have hit something well grounded as I've not heard fire trucks over here in this part of town.

If it had truly stormed like mad, I'd have enjoyed it just the same as I'd have enjoyed a good gentle thundershower.

I'm gonna take my shower early and go back to bed. I want to get some more sleep before move-in starts at 11am.