I'm falling into the May Meme Mantra

My penis’s new name is Henry the Ultrasonic Salami.
Take Name Your Penis
by badasstronaut today!
Created with Rum and Monkey‘s Name Generator Generator.

Life status update...parts cut for religious reasons...

I crawled into the tub today...for a warm soak and some quality reading time.

What follows is my meditative thoughts (nicely hidden for those who don’t want to read it)



I took with me my copy of “Solitary Witch: The Ultimate Book of Shadows for the New Generation”

I quickly came to realize that while I have chosen to follow the Wiccan path of religion, I don’t truly practice it. I believe in it, but I don’t do all the “right” things.

I don’t know all the, pardon the pun, magic words and phrases that I should know. I do know that the God and Goddess are here and that they watch over us all. I know that I have two guardian angels who manifest themselves as a Mother Bear and a Wolf. Do I know that I should observe certain holidays (Sabbats) ... yes. Do I? No.

I find it ironic that I picked up that particular book to read in a morning soak....the day before the oldest known holiday in the world (Beltane). It is the recommended day for doing seeker and dedication rituals.

Seeker Ritual - Done by those who are Wiccan-inclined but unsure. You pledge yourself following the ways of the Lord and Lady for a year and a day, but you are not bound to them. It’s like a test drive. Not trying to make light of it, but it would be like going to a Christian church for a year to find out if Christianity is the right religion for you. You’ve not given yourself in service to Deity, however, you are looking at that option and have the inclination it’s the right path for you.

Dedication Ritual - Dedication is much stronger than a seeker ritual, in that you are giving yourself in service to Deity for a year. It is like Confirmation classes. You are being schooled for a year and a day in the ways of the Lord and Lady. At the end of that year and one day, it is traditional that one would either be initiated by the coven to which one belongs or would perform a self-initiation rite (for the Solitary practioner).

Tomorrow is Beltane (May 1). I realized this morning that I’ve never truly done the dedication ritual and I’ve never committed myself to learning the ways and history of Magick and Wicca. It’s not something one rushes into and it is not done lightly.

The author of the book lays out a nine week ritual to lead into the Dedication Ritual. It’s very odd. I understand the nine weeks (three is the number of the Lady...and the Lord...and crossing them (multiplying) is nine. However, I’ve been assembling the things I need for nine *years* and everything in my life has been pointing me more and more towards this path. I know this is the path I’m meant to walk, but yet I’ve never started the journey.

I’m a healer (empath) and I’m there for others, but I’m never there for myself. I think that is the first thing I must learn. I must learn to help myself, to grab my faults and to learn from them, and try to change them where I can. Once I’ve come to peace with myself and I am genuinely happy with myself, then I can truly start to help others (again). There have been times in my life where I was quite happy with myself and it seemed those were the times when I helping people the most and I truly enjoyed it. Now that I’m not taking care of myself, everything around me seems to be in shambles. They mirror each other. As I left myself go, things around me start to fall apart. As I start to pick myself back up, things around me start to pick back up. I don’t mean that in the narrow, just me, sorta thing. People who I know, who I care about start having things going their way again. Scooter is now getting more hours at work, is working, has two jobs now, is dating, and so is . Personally, the job front is finally opening up.

I’ve learned a lesson. I’m not entirely sure which lesson it is, but I have a strong idea it’s the “me first” lesson. I can’t keep doing for others without taking care of myself first. I’m really good at giving that speech and rah-rah lesson, but I don’t listen to it all that well. I’m finally starting to realize the true importance of loving oneself before you can love others.



Is it all coming together too late for me is the question. I’m on very very very thin ice right now in having a place to live. Mike’s financially and emotionally strapped due to the impending strike at SBC. I’m financially strapped due to not having a job.

I’m calling Pizza Hut today to see if Jim can start me working without the MVR (Motor Vehicle Record, i.e. my driving record) since he wants me to mostly be a cook anyway. I don’t see the point of me sitting around doing nothing when I could be working.

I’m taking charge of my life. I’m realizing that I can’t just continue ducking and running from it all. I have to stand up, take charge and make things happen. I’ve been doing that with one of my job leads which went from a basic e-mailed cover letter/resume to an hour long phone interview on Tuesday. Hopefully, I can manage to juggle that job (I’m assuming I’ll land it) and Pizza Hut as well for some double income for a while. It would be nice to be able to catch up on bills/rent/food.

Mike is giving notice today that we aren’t renewing the lease as of the end of May. If I don’t have a job and Mike’s on strike, he’ll be moving back home at the end of the month, and I’ll be somewhere *unknown as of now*. Otherwise, if I’m at one/both jobs and Mike’s not on strike or he is getting strike pay, we’ll go month to month or renew the lease. Occupancy in the complex is low...(two of the four apartments on our level of this section have been empty since I moved here at the start of the year) so flip flopping on a renewal shouldn’t be a problem.

I’m in a situation where I can make good things happen for myself. I’m trying to make them happen. They will happen.

Job Interview Update

Tuesday 1:30pm

*please* let me get it.

Walking down memory lane...

I just spent 2 hours reading all of my old LJ posts. Wow...a lot changed
in the last three years since I started out on Blogger...then moved to
LiveJournal.

It was rather interesting to read my observations while I was at SCSU...and
how much Mike figured into my life...and yet he doesn't. It's an odd
dichotomy.

So much has changed...yet at the same time...so much hasn't changed.

I'll just curl up on my bed and ponder all of it for a while.

Today is turning out to be an odd day. Dunno why, but it is.

WOOHOO!!!

Universal Strap e-mailed me. I'm scheduled for a one hour telephone
interview next week. It's still another week of no job/no pay...but at
least they are firmly interested...it's more than I've had going in the
last few weeks.

I applied on-line to Time Warner Cable (via Spherion) and I'm hoping to
hear back from them still today.

Meme Lemming

1.Go into your LJ's archives.
2.Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3.Find the Third sentence (or closest to).
4.Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

It was very odd as it was a full colour dream and I was lucid in the dream

post #23

Now the creepy part of it...is that I ran across
(Alex) about 2 months ago here on LiveJournal.

Apparently he's doing well and all that. It's one of those cases of I've
moved on and so has he.

Isn't it interesting what the occasional meme can do for you...

Test posting via E-mail/PGP

Since I can't get LogJam to install for whatever reason...

And I've got random Milwaukee people IMing me for their first gay sex
encounter...

I figured I'd try posting via e-mail.

Maybe some of the calls I made on jobs today will pan out. Mike's
getting short with me...and I understand it.

Now if only Pizza Hut would get my fucking MVR record (which is clear
back to 2001) I'd be working there now.

I'm still trying for the IT Support position at Universal Strap in
Jackson WI. It's a perfect fit for me and my skill set...now to get the
job.

I emailed Spherion about CSRing at Time Warner here in Milwaukee.
They're one of those "no calls please" places...so I'm hoping to get an
e-mail from the person I sent the resume and cover letter to sometime
this afternoon. It would be nice.

Other than that...I'm frustrated and ready to cry. I've got a strong
feeling I'm going to be moving soon....and where is the question.

Mad props to Dan!

Support my friend Dan in the Minnesota AIDS Walk!

Accomplishing so much...for so little...

The kitchen is clean aside from a few dishes that were dirtied yesterday. The counters have been cleaned, bleached, and appliances pulled out, swept behind, and the entire floor scrubbed.

I dusted and vacuumed the living room and dining room, took out the trash and even scrubbed Mike’s bathroom floor. (Not that I normally clean my roommate’s bathrooms, but I was starting to fear for our personal safety if the things growing didn’t get cleaned...)

I finally wound down about 7am this morning after last nights Kenosha Garou game in which I nearly died (and probably should have)...

Mike left for work...came home about 11 (took the day as a mental health day). I laid back down...and woke up at 11:45 and Mike was gone. I got up did all the cleaning and stuff that I needed to accomplish for the day. I called Mike a little after 1 to see if he’d done lunch/wanted to do lunch...and asked him to call me. It’s now 3pm and no call. Either his phone didn’t ring and he’s not checked it ... or I’m in the doghouse yet again and I’m getting ignored. (The latter is much more likely as he was in a pisser of a mood this morning).

Oh well. I got done what he wanted me to get done before he would have gotten home from work today. I did a helluva lot more than he wanted actually. And you know what. I’m not expecting so much as a thank you for it. I’ve come to realize that in many ways, I’m not just the domestic for the apartment...I’ve started becoming his mother.

*Please* let something break on the employment scene soon.


(Update as of 6pm. Mike is sick (head cold) and went out and saw Kill Bill Vol 2 (why he didn’t answer the phone).

He’s laying on the couch watching TV sniffling and feeling miserable.

Oh my....

I’ve not heard this song in years (with good reason)...

But yet, it’s still compelling listenening as Milli Vanilli (whomever they were) were a part of the 80s soundtrack...

What a song to take up to though...definately put a spin on my lil bear brain wakign up to the same music I woke up to in high school. Then again, the 80s are the oldies for my generation...

*shudder* sweeper into...John Mellencamp “Lonely Ol Night”

(Peoria Reference) Someone turn up KZ93!!

Utica IL got clobbered.

Peoria Journal-Star story

One of my best friends grew up just a few miles from Utica IL. I’ve been there many times while visiting Starved Rock State Park.

My thoughts are with them, small towns take tragedies like this very hard.

Wierd wierd wierd request

If anyone has a *old* aircheck of the KIIK-FM (Kick 104) top of the hour/legal ID from back in the mid-80s...

The sung one please...KIIK....Davenport....from the top of Signal Hill.....KIIK 104 Quad Cities..

If yer of that age and that location...you will *instantly* know exactly which one I mean...

For you Twin Cities (MN) people...it’s like the “top top top top top of the IDS building” for WLOL 99.5

It’s one of those childhood memory things...and it’s stuck in my damn head.

Someone has it...somewhere. I just have to find it.

Blowing away expectations...priceless

I went into Manpower today...did the pre-assessment...and then did my “skills assessment”

67wpm (net) typing

12,000 keystrokes/hr for 10-key data entry.

That opened up a new set of jobs I could be considered for...

Maybe Pizza Hut could be a part time job....or a non option.

Nothing’s off the table yet...just makes me feel better to know that more options are opening up.

What is it about this song?

Something about this song is really ethereal...and it’s gotten under my skin and into my head. I find myself singing and humming it from time to time.

It’s also calming as I sit here doing on-line job applications and submit my resume all over the known universe.

To quote from the Smiths...and Dream Academy “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want” ... which is a JOB.

Either that or at the end of the month, I’m going to be moving....

to Paragould, AR...

to live with my mom for a while...

This is something that must *not* happen.

St. Louis Blues Mike Danton murder for hire update...

Spin Control...Spin Control

Something I thought I'd never ever say...

I *WANT* to be in East St. Louis IL on Monday.

Preliminary Hearing in Blues Murder for Hire Case is Monday

It’s quickly swirling together like it’s a gay scandal to boot. Hopefully that’ll get dealt with seperately from the murder-for-hire incident.

I love my NWS Weather Radio...

249 AM CDT SAT APR 17 2004

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MILWAUKEE HAS ISSUED A

* SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING FOR...
WAUKESHA COUNTY IN SOUTHEAST WISCONSIN
WALWORTH COUNTY IN SOUTHEAST WISCONSIN
RACINE COUNTY IN SOUTHEAST WISCONSIN

* UNTIL 330 AM CDT

So I slept merrily until 2:50am... nice light show...about 20 minutes of heavy rain.

No hail. Strongest gust was about 25mph. Nothing major here in New Berlin (at least my part).

Well, he won't be worrying about tee-times...

So, the Blues choke on the Sharks again and are contemplating tee times...well...all but one of them...

Holy Shit

Now maybe I’m reading too much into this...but the “acquaintance”, “promiscuitiy” and the “Danton broke down and sobbed. Danton explained that he felt backed into a corner and also felt that the acquaintance was going to leave him.”

Does this scream gay player cornered or is it just me?

Just when ya thought...

Well, USCellular is out.

I do love the rejection letter.

“Unfortuntely, we are unable to offer you a position with US Cellular at this time. Although your skills are impressive, we have selected other candidates whose qualifications more closely meet our needs. Please don’t view this as a negative on your behalf, but more of filling our needs in a competitive enviroment.”

Shit by any other name is still shit.

PHP/MySQL hell...

I mangled up a lil script to fix some problems with the database that I use on Stocky Jock but now I can’t for the life of me figure out how the %@#& to do a reverse sort on a key.

I want to show the “all profiles” in reverse order, that is newest to oldest (higher # to lower #). I know it’s possible, I’ve seen code snippets...but for some reason, it’s just not wedging into my head as to how or why it works.

It’s not a major pain in the @$$ but added to the three hours wasted on figuring out (read that as: remember enough php) to repopulate a database field...I’m *really* cranky.

It has to be easy...it just has to be...I mean it’s a simple reverse search through a paginator....

I’m letting the code sit for a while...and I’m going to work on my novel for a while...I need to work off a lot of excess energy.

Vitamin Z Burning Flame (Version 2) video

Okay, so it ran again today on VH1 Classic. I’ve fired off my letter to requests for VH1C asking for them to please play any other Vitamin Z videos they have...

Burning Flame (there was also a test video, and one that was rejected before the final one (Version 2) was chosen)
Circus Ring
Everytime That I See You
Hi Hi Friend
Burn For You
Can’t Live Without You

That’s five other videos they could be running.

Now, if I could find a copy of the following Vitamin Z MP3s, all from the CD “Sharp Stone Rain”...I’d be a /very/ happy man. Hell, you could see my cry like a baby for an acutal copy of the CD. Not a CD-R...but the *real* CD.

2: Don’t Wait For Me
5: How Far To Queensland?
6: Save Me THANK YOU! to
8: Everchanging Heart
9: Can’t Stop the Rivers

There was a third CD produced that included the demos of what would have been the third CD...the first song on my CD is damaged and the mp3 has been lost. I would like to find it without having to spend the $15 to get a new CD.

Now the real scavanger hunt begins...I’d be willing to figure out a way to pay someone for the following B-side tracks from Sharp Stone Rain...

RUN FOR OUR LIVES. (4:17) (included on Mercury release of “Sharp Stone Rain”)
YOU. (4:36) (extra track on “Burn For You” cd single)
SO FAR. (4:36) ( extra track on “Burn For You” cd single)
BETTER LIFE . (3:57) (extra track on “Can’t Live Without You” cd single)


Now, if I’ve not wet your appetite for Vitamin Z enough...

Official Vitamin Z Site

I also threw in my request for Psuedoecho (Yes, I /know/ it’s Pseudoecho) Listening. MTV in the day had it mis-chyroned as Psuedoecho...great song...should get played...it’s been how many years of VH1C and they’ve *never* played it. (Trust me, there are people on the VH1C Forums who track every song that’s been played.

*ANY* Thinkman would be greatly appreciated. I have a taped copy of the video for “Best Adventures (US Version)” from VH1C, but the entire CD had videos for every song. It was a concept CD that Rupert Hine hatched...and a damned good one too. I’ve thought about trying to write the “story” that the songs tell...but I have a feeling I’d have three books...one for each of the three Thinkman CD’s.

There were so many great groups of the 80s who just quietly disappeared after one or two songs...but I think that’s another post for another day... I’ll show my age then ;)

Why? What the Fu** was Fu** thinking?

Oh Goddess....why?

Why? Why after inflicting us with Alanis, Bryan Adams, Corey Hart, and that bitch Anne Murray too...

Did Fuse have to bankroll a video for this?! It was like a road accident...you couldn’t look away.