30 March 2004
25 March 2004
Stocky Jock Updates
The underlying code was completely cleaned up. I’m not sure how a few things worked in that mess that was Stocky Jock. Several things were
broken, including most of the personals system when some changes were made to the database system.
Personals now work as they should, navigation is much simpler, and there is a new feature for personals. If the personal is a model and has a profile, the gallery will be linked into their profile. For example, My Profile At the bottom is a link to a gallery of more pictures of me.
The current “Galleries” section will stay around, but will slowly be changed into more of a “models” section or may disappear entirely depending on if we are mostly doing photo shoots of members or non-members.
Please take a few minutes and log into the site, update your profile and take a look around...and as usual, any bugs, quirks, suggestions or complaints...
Post them here, the About the site forum on the website, or e-mail them to webmaster@stockyjock.com
There are a couple of more changes yet to come.
Stocky Jock will be expanding to add profiles of straight men. Several women have e-mailed and requested that we also have straight men on the site as there are few sites that have bigger straight men. I have also had a couple of straight men express an interest in the site but weren’t sure of how many women would surf the site.
In response to this, the profile system has been updated to include an “orientation” option.
Searches will soon (hopefully by 2 April) able to be done by the usual suspects (city/state/country/interest/etc) AND by orientation to make it easier for the straight people who visit the site to find each other.
Stocky Jock does not discriminate based on orientation, colour, religion, or anything else. The only time I’ve rejected something is in the case of blatant spam or pictures that were of poor quality.
broken, including most of the personals system when some changes were made to the database system.
Personals now work as they should, navigation is much simpler, and there is a new feature for personals. If the personal is a model and has a profile, the gallery will be linked into their profile. For example, My Profile At the bottom is a link to a gallery of more pictures of me.
The current “Galleries” section will stay around, but will slowly be changed into more of a “models” section or may disappear entirely depending on if we are mostly doing photo shoots of members or non-members.
Please take a few minutes and log into the site, update your profile and take a look around...and as usual, any bugs, quirks, suggestions or complaints...
Post them here, the About the site forum on the website, or e-mail them to webmaster@stockyjock.com
There are a couple of more changes yet to come.
Stocky Jock will be expanding to add profiles of straight men. Several women have e-mailed and requested that we also have straight men on the site as there are few sites that have bigger straight men. I have also had a couple of straight men express an interest in the site but weren’t sure of how many women would surf the site.
In response to this, the profile system has been updated to include an “orientation” option.
Searches will soon (hopefully by 2 April) able to be done by the usual suspects (city/state/country/interest/etc) AND by orientation to make it easier for the straight people who visit the site to find each other.
Stocky Jock does not discriminate based on orientation, colour, religion, or anything else. The only time I’ve rejected something is in the case of blatant spam or pictures that were of poor quality.
OH MY GODDESS
Okay, so after mucho delay, Digital Atmosphere Workstation 1.0 comes out...and within 12 hours, 1.0b is released...
Holy sweet heaven help me...Windows never had that kind of enticement until now.
Real time radar plotting from any radar site. *ALL* products are available. Real-time redraws to recenter the map...
The only two modules missing at this time are the scheduler (i.e. do these commands at this time, say update the radar data every 10 minutes (real time is 6) and pull fresh observations every 20 and plot them) as well as the active warning plotter.
It’s got a couple of quirks, but dah-hamn...the $68 upgrade will be worth every damned penny.
HINT HINT...this would be a kick ass birthday present (way early I know).
If anyone feels the need to buy the upgrade for me, I’ll get you the information for contacting the author for getting the serial number for said software.
Now I’m back to the new toys...
Holy sweet heaven help me...Windows never had that kind of enticement until now.
Real time radar plotting from any radar site. *ALL* products are available. Real-time redraws to recenter the map...
The only two modules missing at this time are the scheduler (i.e. do these commands at this time, say update the radar data every 10 minutes (real time is 6) and pull fresh observations every 20 and plot them) as well as the active warning plotter.
It’s got a couple of quirks, but dah-hamn...the $68 upgrade will be worth every damned penny.
HINT HINT...this would be a kick ass birthday present (way early I know).
If anyone feels the need to buy the upgrade for me, I’ll get you the information for contacting the author for getting the serial number for said software.
Now I’m back to the new toys...
22 March 2004
Home at last
I got home about 8:30pm, unloaded the van, took a shower, and now I’m heading to bed after sorting throught 3.5 days of e-mail. I’ll post a full follow up to the weekend tomorrow.
19 March 2004
Okay...apparently I'm supposed to go to Minneapolis
Visibilities have jumped to greater than 1 mile...
The winds have be revised down for Minneapolis/St. Paul down to the 20-30 range.
All and all...I’ll be heading out here in about 15 minutes I think.
The winds have be revised down for Minneapolis/St. Paul down to the 20-30 range.
All and all...I’ll be heading out here in about 15 minutes I think.
And the decision is made.
I’m /not/ heading to the Cities this weekend.
Visibility here is less than 500’. The roads are covered in ice and several sections of freeway are closed due to major accidents.
Once I get west of Madison, the weather would be fine...until about Eau Claire where I start hitting the 30-50mph crosswinds.
Last but not least, I don’t trust my van. I think it’s gonna die very soon and I don’t want to be in the middle of Clusterfuck, Wisconsin when it does.
Oh well...another weekend planned for the Cities shot in the ass.
Visibility here is less than 500’. The roads are covered in ice and several sections of freeway are closed due to major accidents.
Once I get west of Madison, the weather would be fine...until about Eau Claire where I start hitting the 30-50mph crosswinds.
Last but not least, I don’t trust my van. I think it’s gonna die very soon and I don’t want to be in the middle of Clusterfuck, Wisconsin when it does.
Oh well...another weekend planned for the Cities shot in the ass.
Grrr...
Well, let’s see here.
Waukesha visibility == .06mi (Yes, it’s that foggy)
All of the Twin Cities area is under a Wind Advisory for today for winds of 30-40mph with gusts as high as 50.
Hrm. Do I go to Minneapolis today or not?
Maybe I’ll see if I can borrow Mike’s car (a Malibu) and he could drive my van to/from work today. I doubt this will happen, but it would be much easier to drive in the high winds and he has a CD player in the car *grin*
More in about 45 minutes when I make my decision.
Waukesha visibility == .06mi (Yes, it’s that foggy)
All of the Twin Cities area is under a Wind Advisory for today for winds of 30-40mph with gusts as high as 50.
Hrm. Do I go to Minneapolis today or not?
Maybe I’ll see if I can borrow Mike’s car (a Malibu) and he could drive my van to/from work today. I doubt this will happen, but it would be much easier to drive in the high winds and he has a CD player in the car *grin*
More in about 45 minutes when I make my decision.
18 March 2004
Status update on the broken bear...
I’m signed up, well the paperwork is all in for BadgerCare and all the state assistance stuff.
Part of the issue was that the vicodin and valium I was on for my back were causing massive depression issues. My body was so far down it couldn’t accurately function. My psyche paid for it.
I will be in contact with a shrink next Monday and I’ll be seeing him as well as starting therapy to work on my biggest issue. My complete lack of self-esteem and self-worth. I think I know where it came from, now I have to find the tools to put it back.
I’m heading to the Cities this weekend. I’m going to visit with
I’m not sure if I’m going to go to the Twin Cities Garou game on Saturday night yet.
Right now, this is a see my friends and reground myself trip.
Thank you to everyone for their e-mails and calls, especially to
Part of the issue was that the vicodin and valium I was on for my back were causing massive depression issues. My body was so far down it couldn’t accurately function. My psyche paid for it.
I will be in contact with a shrink next Monday and I’ll be seeing him as well as starting therapy to work on my biggest issue. My complete lack of self-esteem and self-worth. I think I know where it came from, now I have to find the tools to put it back.
I’m heading to the Cities this weekend. I’m going to visit with
I’m not sure if I’m going to go to the Twin Cities Garou game on Saturday night yet.
Right now, this is a see my friends and reground myself trip.
Thank you to everyone for their e-mails and calls, especially to
17 March 2004
This is *NOT* a suicide note...I'm getting help today. I promise you all this.
Lord and Lady,
I’m scared.
I’ve realized that my life is falling apart. I feel like an insignificant pile of goose shit on a runway at the airport of life.
My back gave out two weeks ago. I couldn’t walk, feel my right leg, or even urinate. I spent about 5 1/2 days in the hospital/ER with this whole mess. This caused me to lose my job at SBC. Two days before my back went out, Mike broke up with me (for valid reasons) but it was a complete emotional shock to me.
I realize that why I can’t find a boyfriend isn’t that I’m not /physically/ attractive, rather it’s that I’m an insecure person who is terrified of living.
I grew up in a dysfunctional household with a distant father who really didn’t seem that I existed which I strongly believe was due to the fact that I was severely asthmatic as a child and being gay, I didn’t have any interest in cars, sports, or other “manly” things. I preferred to be in my room reading.
I was bored to tears in school. I was considered gifted but stuck in a school system that you either did the “normal” track or you were in the Title I program for the “slow” people. I nearly flunked out of high school because I didn’t want to do the work and didn’t care. I picked up the knowledge and passed the tests, but homework was busy work bullshit. Mom never understood this and constantly drove me to be the best I could be. I don’t think I could have been good enough for her ever. No matter how well I did, there were more expectations attached to it.
I’ve failed out of college *three* times.
I don’t know how to interact with people. I’ve done college radio for three years and I have no fear of getting in front of a group of 100+ people and speaking. Small groups of less than 20 scare the fuck out of me.
I’m scared of being hurt. I’m scared of my own personality. In my failings in interacting with people, I either tend to come off as an aloof heartless person or as a smartass know-it-all jerk. Mike dumped me because he didn’t know what he wanted and he was scared of losing our friendship.
I know now that it was much more than that. I’ve come to realize that I need to be around people. I’ve turned into a needy clingy person but I have no idea of how to meet people and how to just hang out with them. All my ‘friends’ here are Mike’s friends. All my true friends are back in Minnesota.
I went from being in a place where I thought I could finally make it on my own. I was going to be able to pay off my debts, maybe even get a better car, and actually look at getting furniture of my own and I’d actually had the dream of trying to save up for a house.
I realized in the wee hours of the morning this morning that I keep taking the vicodin and valium for my back, not so much because my back hurts, but it numbs my mental pain. I don’t think about it as much. I sleep. I don’t think, I don’t feel. I just automaton my way through the day.
I don’t know how to cope with reality. I don’t know how to make/find friends.
I’m not moving back “home” with Dad in Alabama. I’m sure as fuck not moving to Arkansas with Mom.
Once Mike goes to work, I’m calling Waukesha County Social Services and getting a referral to the best mental institution in the area and checking myself in. Sadly, I know this is going to crush Mike but I’d rather hit him with one big *thwack* like this than slowly drag him under as I spiral farther and farther into depression and battle the suicidal thoughts in my head.
What keeps me holding on....is my friends. Not even that they care, but I don’t want to inflict more pain on them. They’ve kept me going so far...and I know that if I did do something stupid like kill myself, I’d devastate them. I personally don’t care about myself, I’m very much just a mass of flesh living day to day...my friends however, I love them and I don’t want to hurt them.
I’m scared.
I’ve realized that my life is falling apart. I feel like an insignificant pile of goose shit on a runway at the airport of life.
My back gave out two weeks ago. I couldn’t walk, feel my right leg, or even urinate. I spent about 5 1/2 days in the hospital/ER with this whole mess. This caused me to lose my job at SBC. Two days before my back went out, Mike broke up with me (for valid reasons) but it was a complete emotional shock to me.
I realize that why I can’t find a boyfriend isn’t that I’m not /physically/ attractive, rather it’s that I’m an insecure person who is terrified of living.
I grew up in a dysfunctional household with a distant father who really didn’t seem that I existed which I strongly believe was due to the fact that I was severely asthmatic as a child and being gay, I didn’t have any interest in cars, sports, or other “manly” things. I preferred to be in my room reading.
I was bored to tears in school. I was considered gifted but stuck in a school system that you either did the “normal” track or you were in the Title I program for the “slow” people. I nearly flunked out of high school because I didn’t want to do the work and didn’t care. I picked up the knowledge and passed the tests, but homework was busy work bullshit. Mom never understood this and constantly drove me to be the best I could be. I don’t think I could have been good enough for her ever. No matter how well I did, there were more expectations attached to it.
I’ve failed out of college *three* times.
I don’t know how to interact with people. I’ve done college radio for three years and I have no fear of getting in front of a group of 100+ people and speaking. Small groups of less than 20 scare the fuck out of me.
I’m scared of being hurt. I’m scared of my own personality. In my failings in interacting with people, I either tend to come off as an aloof heartless person or as a smartass know-it-all jerk. Mike dumped me because he didn’t know what he wanted and he was scared of losing our friendship.
I know now that it was much more than that. I’ve come to realize that I need to be around people. I’ve turned into a needy clingy person but I have no idea of how to meet people and how to just hang out with them. All my ‘friends’ here are Mike’s friends. All my true friends are back in Minnesota.
I went from being in a place where I thought I could finally make it on my own. I was going to be able to pay off my debts, maybe even get a better car, and actually look at getting furniture of my own and I’d actually had the dream of trying to save up for a house.
I realized in the wee hours of the morning this morning that I keep taking the vicodin and valium for my back, not so much because my back hurts, but it numbs my mental pain. I don’t think about it as much. I sleep. I don’t think, I don’t feel. I just automaton my way through the day.
I don’t know how to cope with reality. I don’t know how to make/find friends.
I’m not moving back “home” with Dad in Alabama. I’m sure as fuck not moving to Arkansas with Mom.
Once Mike goes to work, I’m calling Waukesha County Social Services and getting a referral to the best mental institution in the area and checking myself in. Sadly, I know this is going to crush Mike but I’d rather hit him with one big *thwack* like this than slowly drag him under as I spiral farther and farther into depression and battle the suicidal thoughts in my head.
What keeps me holding on....is my friends. Not even that they care, but I don’t want to inflict more pain on them. They’ve kept me going so far...and I know that if I did do something stupid like kill myself, I’d devastate them. I personally don’t care about myself, I’m very much just a mass of flesh living day to day...my friends however, I love them and I don’t want to hurt them.
13 March 2004
Riddle Me This...
Oooooh! Ooh I want to find a better place
Oooooh! Ooh I’m searching for a better place
Oooooh! Ooh I’m tired of living in the sand
Oooooh! Ooh I’m searching for a better land
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere
I’ve never - never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place
Oooooh! Ooh I’m always trying to escape
Oooooh! Ooh I never know which road to take
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place
Live in this place
Live in this place, this place
Oooooh! Ooh I want to find a better place
Oooooh! Ooh I’m searching for a better place
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place (don’t wanna live)
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere (must be there-ere)
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere (must be there-ere)
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place (fade)
Oooooh! Ooh I’m searching for a better place
Oooooh! Ooh I’m tired of living in the sand
Oooooh! Ooh I’m searching for a better land
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere
I’ve never - never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place
Oooooh! Ooh I’m always trying to escape
Oooooh! Ooh I never know which road to take
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place
Live in this place
Live in this place, this place
Oooooh! Ooh I want to find a better place
Oooooh! Ooh I’m searching for a better place
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place (don’t wanna live)
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere (must be there-ere)
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place
Heaven, must be there-ere
Well, it’s just got to be there-ere (must be there-ere)
I’ve never, never seen Eden
I don’t wanna live in this place (fade)
12 March 2004
Happiness goes clickety-clack
Yes, that IBM keyboard...
I want one of these. My old IBM keyboard has died at the age of 15 years. I would like to replace it.
If some loving soul would like to buy me one of these, feel free to e-mail me for the pertinent shipping details.
I want one of these. My old IBM keyboard has died at the age of 15 years. I would like to replace it.
If some loving soul would like to buy me one of these, feel free to e-mail me for the pertinent shipping details.
11 March 2004
Oh please...
Bertuzzi’s “Punishment”
Please. His tearful apology was about as authentic a performance as you’d expect from a B-Grade porn actor. I think they should set his ass on the bench...with the rest of the paying fans...FOREVER.
His behaviour was out of control, unneeded, and unwanted in the sport of hockey.
Please. His tearful apology was about as authentic a performance as you’d expect from a B-Grade porn actor. I think they should set his ass on the bench...with the rest of the paying fans...FOREVER.
His behaviour was out of control, unneeded, and unwanted in the sport of hockey.
08 March 2004
Fear...
I’m sitting here drugged up on percocet and valium, which brings the pain and nerve overload of my back/leg down to managable levels, but it keeps me rather dazed and with little short term memory.
I can’t walk/stand for more than about 20 minutes before I start getting weakness and extreme pain in my back and right leg.
I’m really starting to get scared that I something very serious is going on and what the consequences of it all may be.
I’m letting the world flow and placing my trust in the Lord and Lady that it will turn out the way it is meant to turn out.
I can’t walk/stand for more than about 20 minutes before I start getting weakness and extreme pain in my back and right leg.
I’m really starting to get scared that I something very serious is going on and what the consequences of it all may be.
I’m letting the world flow and placing my trust in the Lord and Lady that it will turn out the way it is meant to turn out.
06 March 2004
Life is a pain in the backside...
I'm home from the hospital (again).
I went to work Thursday and after about 3 hours there, I tried to go to the bathroom and couldn't. I returned to my training class and when I tried to get up about 15 minutes later, I couldn't feel my right leg.
I had my trainer get Mike from his training class, and we called an ambulance. I was taken to Waukesha Memorial hosptial and was promptly admitted by the neurologist who saw me.
I have a severe inflammation of the right nerve root at the L5/S1 vertebrae. What that means, I occasionally lose all feeling in my right leg and can't urinate. Most of the time however, it is a distinct burning/tingling sensation I can best describe as a never-ending leg that's asleep and trying to wake up.
I'm now jobless and on doctor ordered bedrest for a week. Percocet and valium for the pain and muscle spasms.
Life has ground to a halt for me just as it was all coming back together for me.
Oh well. I'm still alive even if I have trouble walking.
In other news...
Laura Billings' column in today's St. Paul Pioneer Press
I went to work Thursday and after about 3 hours there, I tried to go to the bathroom and couldn't. I returned to my training class and when I tried to get up about 15 minutes later, I couldn't feel my right leg.
I had my trainer get Mike from his training class, and we called an ambulance. I was taken to Waukesha Memorial hosptial and was promptly admitted by the neurologist who saw me.
I have a severe inflammation of the right nerve root at the L5/S1 vertebrae. What that means, I occasionally lose all feeling in my right leg and can't urinate. Most of the time however, it is a distinct burning/tingling sensation I can best describe as a never-ending leg that's asleep and trying to wake up.
I'm now jobless and on doctor ordered bedrest for a week. Percocet and valium for the pain and muscle spasms.
Life has ground to a halt for me just as it was all coming back together for me.
Oh well. I'm still alive even if I have trouble walking.
In other news...
Laura Billings' column in today's St. Paul Pioneer Press
03 March 2004
Ow.
I just got home from 10 hours in the St. Lukes ER. My back went out about 8:30 last night and I couldn't feel my feet and could barely walk. An MRI (negative) and lotsa drugs later...I'm home.
I've slept about 90 minutes since 6am yesterday, been pumped full of pain killers and muscle relaxants...
Oh, and the highlight of it all, I couldn't urinate...so I got a foley catheter (that was a first, and I seriously hope it's the last...EVER).
I'm taking two percocet and crawling into bed.
I've slept about 90 minutes since 6am yesterday, been pumped full of pain killers and muscle relaxants...
Oh, and the highlight of it all, I couldn't urinate...so I got a foley catheter (that was a first, and I seriously hope it's the last...EVER).
I'm taking two percocet and crawling into bed.
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