What a shitsucker of a day...

The proverbial organic feces were slung into the air oscillation device today.

I’m about to dismantle my altar. I have come to realize that while I’m here with Sean, I’ll never feel comfortable enough with my own “personal space” to actively work with the Lord and Lady in the ways that I should work with them.

It’s pretty fucking sad when you don’t feel settled and/or comfortable enough in your own surroundings to practice your own religion. I think I’m going to turn in my altar into the entertainment center.

The same laundry that Sean promised me *last* weekend would be folded and put away is still partially folded and totally not put away all over the living room. I know that if Sean promises that something will get done...it won’t. Cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, taking out the trash....it never gets done. I’m having to clean the apartment all the time. I hated coming home from work because the apartment was a mess and it *smells*. I’m very tempted to send Sean off for the weekend so I can properly clean the apartment.

I don’t really care if I make it to Portage Garou...and Chicago Changeling (which I’m an ST for ... which is a seperate set of issues) can float to hell too right now. I just want a clean apartment where I don’t have to smell things I can’t identify and not wonder how long I’ve left dishes sitting in the sink...or when the last time I mopped the floor. Sean doesn’t notice things like that. The place could be smelling, green with organic growth and actively infectious...and he’d never know.

Sean’s off at Gary Vampire (yet another LARP game) which is a monster that I’ve created. For someone who didn’t like LARPs and had bad experiences with them... Let’s see: Kenosha Garou, Portage Garou, Chicago Garou, and Gary Vampire...with talk of Chicago Vampire. So nice to see that the time on the weekends that could be spent with me are much more importantly spent doing LARP stuff...which seems to dominate conversations during the week.

I’m over it all. Today’s fit that I had to run to work, get my check, cash my check, and get money into his account by 2pm was one thing....but being told that he’d not have time after getting off work at 5:30 because he’d have to get to Gary...that pissed me off. The money I had to get into his account today...was so we could make RENT...just a minor lil thing that MUST get paid.

I’m really feeling like I’m a third wheel here...and there’s only two people in the apartment. I’m pressured/guilted because I don’t have much of a sex drive. I do...and it’s active in the morning. Sean’s is pretty much non-stop with a lull in the morning. So when I am in the mood...he’s not. But it’s all about me...cuz I don’t put out when he wants it.

Minneapolis...St. Cloud...Madison...Peoria...hell even Paragould Arkansas sound nice about now. I’m at my wits end with this shit.