I was talking to my friend Dan tonight and we were discussing pictures of me. He made the comment that I needed to have more pictures of when I'm smiling...
I told him it was nearly impossible to get me to smile and I wasn't really sure why.
I starting thinking about it and realized that in the two years of 2000 and 2001, I had the world come down around me. I held strong, but I bunkered down so far inside myself that I'm only now starting to climb out of the bomb shelter.
23 Dec 1999 - Return from Australia. Emotional drained after leaving Alex.
14 Feb 2000 - Dumped by Alex via ICQ
March 2000 - mikeybear starts talking to me more online and helps me to right my mental state
May 2000 - Finally start pulling myself out of the deep depression from Alex
July 2000 - Short term something (I'd not call it a relationship, but I dunno what it was) with Dave
August 2000 - Dave who?
December 2000 - Met jerbearmn />
March 2001 - Jeremy and I self-destructed in a blazing ball of flames...
June 2001 - started talking seriously with mikeybear />
July 2001 - met Mikey at Heartland AIDS Ride
August 21, 2001 - after nearly 6 years with Hockey Net, I walked away from it due to differences with management.
September 2001 - Mikey dumps me amid a sea of personal problems in his life
October 2001 - Present - Continuing lower back problems.
1 November 2001 - Hockey Net sold to Infinetivity, later sold to Pixius
December 2001 - Evicted and nearly homeless, find a way out in returning to SCSU.
I dunno, I think the fact that I can even start opening back up and dealing with reality after all of this crap, I think I'm making progress towards actually learning to just be myself and letting life go on.
I'm starting to care less of what other people think and trying to make myself fit into what gay "society" and society at large say I should be and I'm blazing my own trail again.
Thank you to everyone who I've mentioned in this post, for in some way, you all have shaped me into being who I am today and have helped me to understand more and different parts of the human condition.
1 comment:
As the saying goes... "You gotta put your behind in the past..."
While life is rough for us all, and in the past four years, particularly rough... We all can find a way out with time and patience.
I bitch a lot about my job, but for the short run, it is providing me with one reason to NOT worry. The future's another story and I'll adjust as it comes up.
I'm sure you will also find ways to adjust to the past and the future. I know you have the will. :)
And when I see you next, I'll give you the backrub.
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