Update on the broken bear...

Well, It's now official.

I have MS. Scar tissue is visible on the MRIs in my low back. No active lesions, but the MS is active and progressive.

I have to call my neurosurgeon to follow up tomorrow (later today) and see about changing the medications that I'm on.

Vicodin == great painkiller and sleep aid...isn't helping with muscle spasms

Prednisone == steroidal anti-inflammatory..needed to calm the aggravated nerves and trying to beat this attack into regression...however it jacks my blood sugar levels into the stratosphere...to the point that for any extended duration....I'll need to be on some form of insulin and/or a no carb diet.

I do need a good muscle relaxant...I'm still having low back spasms...but that's unrelated to the MS (most likely stress related) but it's still enough that it keeps me from sleeping and sitting...

I should be content that I'm getting answers and that I have a confirmed diagnosis...but there is still so much to be done...treatments to be explored...and a life to restructure...

How do I work when I can't sit or stand for long periods of time and I can't lift? I now get to explore the options of being on disability..because I could go for the next two years in remission/non-active status...and overnight get thwapped down to doing nothing and being hospitalized for a week.

I just have to keep telling myself...I'm alive. I'm mentally all here and right now, it's a weakness/flaw in just the right leg...I can still do most things...except for biking, hiking, rock climbing...and then the downward spiral starts again...

Things are getting better...the diagnosis is confirmed. I still have though this is showing us much of our love for each other and how much we mean to each other...and I still have my friends who are there and check up on me quite often. It's the whole work/finances thing that is tearing at me psychologically.

My biggest hurdle is getting through this mentally and keeping out of the black depression that is looming all around..and the suicidal thoughts that call to me off and on throughout the day.

I'll post more tomorrow on the rest of my life and the good things that are happening...there are plenty of good things...but I know people are really worried about this and how I'm doing...

A huge thanks to everyone who has called, e-mailed, posted a comment and just generally helped keep me pulled together during this whole ordeal...