It's 3:20am. I've been sitting here for two hours hoping that the increasing pain in my back/legs will go away. It isn't. It's spreading and getting worse.
This isn't my "normal" dull low back pain and tingling/numbness in my legs. My whole back feels like I can't bend at all....like something is slicing up and down my spine, and the occasional stabbing pain at random locations in my back. Something is most definately going on, I know I need to call my neuro, but I'm *scared*.
I'll admit it. I'm terrified of what ever is going on. It's not like there's any physical symptoms really. It's all neurological/pain symptoms. I almost need a sign on the door that says "Today, my pain is..." and a scale that I can adjust.
Sean doesn't know what he's going to get at any given time. My pain is getting to the point that it's triggering depression and a complete lack of interest in sex. I want to cuddle with him, but that's it. It hurts too much to be doing much of anything else.
Here I sit, on the verge of tears, and I can't bring myself to call the doctor. What's that say about me?
3 comments:
You need to go to the doctor bub. I've been in your shoes - afraid to call the doctor, but I eventually was forced to or I was gonna get a kick in the ass... and I'm glad I did, or I might have had a wicked throat infection. That was over a year ago.
*HUGS* go see a doctor and feel better bub. I'll send ya' some healing energy.
Nick and I are all too familiar with what you are going through. Nick's back pain can range anywhere from a dull throb to "Holy Shit, I can't walk."
Calling a doctor can be scary, because it means admitting that something's wrong, admitting that you yourself don't have the patience/strength/knowledge to fix it, admitting that you need help. Help is scary. But like a number of things in our life that we may not like, help is necessary. And no one will think less of you for it.
And remember, just as I have told Nick, Sean is with you because he cares about you. He is more concerned about your health and well-being than he is about a roll in the hay. I am sure that he, along with many of your friends, want to see you feel better, no matter how much help that may require.
We have a strong clue what's wrong. It's MS or something very similar to it. The problem is that my "attacks" of this are getting closer and closer together. Down from every couple of years down to every couple of months.
I'm just sick of the pain, the inability to do most anything beyond walking, sitting and standing...though sitting for a long period of time has starting proving more interesting.
I know something is wrong, I know it can be treated if it's MS. I also know it can be a totally debilitating disease in spite of all the new (and very spendy) treatments.
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