If you don't want to hear the details of the emotional workings of my mind...
STOP READING NOW!
I was laying in bed a few days ago thinking about my life and how much shit has transpired during the last twelve months.
I went back to school and I'm working on my bachelor's degree in meteorology. I'm involved with KVSC radio and all in all life has been good.
I battled with a ton of emotional shit during the beginning of the year, but it got better as I seperated from my old life and basically restarted a new life.
October led into another bout with depression, but thankfully in late November I realized just how bad it had gotten and sought help. I'm on medication now which is helping and I'm doing much better. The fall semester is a wreck, so I'm hoping I'll get to stay in school after all this is done.
I've not had much in the way of a dating/love life this year. Although, I think this is a good thing. I've had several long talks with my friend Mike in Milwaukee about life, love, and my still strong feelings for him.
It's taken a very long time (almost a year and a half) for me to get over Mikey. I fell very hard for him. He was there for me through some very rough times and he showed me the parts of myself that I thought I had lost.
Mikey and I are still friends and we talk quite often. He's dealing with some demons (literally) in his own life and I've been there to help him through some of it. It's taken so long for me to realize that Mikey is a great friend and that's it because I think I really did want our relationship to make it. The timing just wasn't right in his life and it didn't work out. I still have so much respect and love for Mikey, but I know it's just friendship.
He showed me paths into myself. Paths that led me to much inner peace and understanding. Understanding of loving oneself and being true to ourselves, understanding that sometimes the pain we experience in our lives is not bad, rather it's a way to get to know ourselves better and to further our own growth as members of society and the human race.
I've come to peace with the spectre of my love for Mike.
Do I still love him? Yes.
Do I still daydream from time to time that it did work out and we were together? Yes. Do I wish him the best in his life? Yes.
I realize that holding on to that love is good, but only if it's a tempered hold on it. I can't obsess over it and pine endlessly for him. What I can do is realize what lessons I learned from him.
I learned love, understanding, respect, the importance of communication, and most of all, I learned a great deal about myself.
Thank you Mike. You have no idea just how much you mean to me, my heart, and my soul.
1 comment:
I'm glad how much he still means to you, and to you him. Sometimes after splitting up from a romantic relationship, people are too eager to burn bridges and not realize that, just because that person isn't a partner, doesn't mean that he can't be a close, dear friend.
I hope to get to talk to you soon, nena.
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