Long catch up post...

I just got back from spending a week in Arkansas. I went down to visit my mom and step-dad and to also see my grandfather (mom's dad) for the last time. His health has been deteriorating recently and he's been in the hospital for the last month.

Mom gave me the choice of getting money for clothes and stuff or I could have a round-trip ticket to visit them. I took the ticket and flew down.

I got into Memphis at 12:10am and finally got my bags about 1am and got to Mom's house about 3am. We got up that morning (Christmas Eve) and went to Cave City to visit some of my step-dad's family.

(Quick note. My mom divorced my dad. She remarried to my dad's sister's son. Yes, my Aunt is now my step-grandmother. o/~ I'm my own grandpaaaaaaaa o/~)

I'd not seen that part of the family in at least five years, so it was nice to see them and finally see some "long lost" cousins. It snowed while we were heading over to Cave City and most of the time we were there. We only had a couple of inches, but for AR, it was a decent snowfall, and well, it was a white Christmas Eve, something we did not have in Minnesota.

Christmas Day was the big meal at Mom's house. My cousin Patricia, her husband and two kids were there (those kids are so well behaved...seriously!). My Aunt Annette (Mom's sister) was there with her husband and daughter, as where Vance and Nina (my step dad's mom and dad, my Aunt Annette, and her husband Jim, Jim's daughter from his previous wife was there (Samantha) and later in the afternoon, his other daughter (April, age 20) showed up with her very hot and husky fiancee. (DAMNIT!)

I finally met THE baby on Christmas night! Annette's daughter Julie (an 18 year old drugged up mess of a slut) got knocked up and had the most beautiful baby girl named Asia. She turned four months old on Christmas Day. She is the sweetest baby. Mom and Les are planning to adopt her if they can... I'd have a sister (gulp).

From there it was all downhill, literally. Grandpa was going downhill again and we went to the hospital on Thursday. I nearly broke down when I saw him. I'd last seen him two years ago at Thanksgiving. He was old then (82) but he was still up and around and doing okay. He'd been goin down hill since then, but I hadn't gathered just how far he'd gone.

He'd fallen out of his hospital bed twice, breaking his foot and shattering his pelvis. He'd had a stroke which rendered him blind. His kidneys and liver are failing... I saw the man who taught me to play poker, who told me the best baudy jokes, and had always been the real highlight of my trips down home, laying in a hospital bed with all kinds of tubes and shit...gasping for air.

I just stopped and stared at him for probably 15 minutes. It was all I could do. I couldn't register anything but what was happening in front of me. The hardest part of it was that my cousin Tamara (Annette's daughter, age 11) had gotten Grandpa a deck of cards for Christmas and we all knew that's what she'd gotten him. None of us could open the gift for him, because we knew he was blind, and we knew in our hearts that he'd almost certainly not leave the hospital alive.

When I wasn't at the hospital (most of the time by my own choosing), I was at Mom's house watching TV or reading. When Mom was around, she was carrying on about how Julie had done this, or Johnny (her brother) had done that...and so on ad nauseum. Add to this, Mom being strung out over finances and also totally strung out about the well-being of the baby...

Finally, Saturday night, we were gonna leave from the hospital and Les, Mom, Annette, Jim and I were going to have "a nice dinner before (I) leave". Well, Julie couldn't get a ride to pick up the baby, so we had the baby for dinner. Oh, it was a lovely dinner. I was effectively ignored whilst the baby was cooed at and played with. Once dinner was served and the baby was asleep, I was ignored for the next round of the daily bitch-o-rama.

The only high point of the entire dinner was the very attractive and obviously gay waiter who kept flirting with me. *smiles*

I was so ready to leave I couldn't sleep last night. All I could think about was getting to Memphis and getting on the plane. I was pissed off at the family for doing nothing more than bitching and fighting all the time, for being ignored for the baby, and also totally devastated by seeing Grandpa in that condition.

Tonight, after I was back in Minneapolis; Dan, Sally, Joe , and I went to Olive Garden for dinner (to treat me) and on the way back, I rode home with Dan and just let everything go. I went from anger to cryin a few times...but it was good to get it all off my chest and start putting it behind me.

No matter what the family does that I disagree with...I'll always have my memories of sitting at the dining room table passing the afternoons away with Grandpa playing cards, listening to his baudy jokes from the Second World War, and now I realize that no matter how much I looked forward to that, it won't happen again. I still have the memories of those great times and I'll cherish those. The family arguments upset me, but they will never tarnish my memories of Grandpa and summer afternoons having a beer and playing cards.

Sometimes, it takes the loss of a loved one to realize how much they meant to you. If we are really blessed, we realize that those who are still with us are just as special and we need to tell them and enjoy those good times while we can.