Follow-up on ritual (long).

Jim and I did do the first part of the ritual as planned.

Oddly, I was the only one skyclad. Jim stayed in his street clothes. Normally, we are both skyclad.

The first part of the ritual went smoothly, but there were a couple of parts to my ritual that I knew I needed to explain to Jim before I attempted them. The first part was just simply drawing down the God and the Goddess and recharge some of my drained energy. The second part was partially a sexuality rite. I was planning on using the powers of the God and the Goddess to help me to manage my desires and to help me to grow and realize that I don't need to dwell on the fact that I don't have a man in my life and that I don't need to have one. The fact that I've been single and dateless for a long period of time has been weighing on my heavily.



Jim had cast the circle and brought the power to keep it in place. I felt it was only right to explain to him what I was doing and how. My concern was that during the sexuality rites, since it is ecstatically based, there was a good chance of spontaneous arousal. I felt that Jim should be aware of that and that if he wanted to leave, he could.

The only problem with that is he had raised the circle and it was his energy. If the closed the circle and left, I would have to raise my own circle and do my rites, then he would have to re-raise the circle. All of this would completely circumvent the point of the ritual.

I explained the drawing down part of it to Jim and he understood that perfectly as he'd seen it before.

When I started explaining the second part of it, I started explaining the nature of the ritual and he just looked at me and said "This is ritual. You are dealing with an ecstatic ritual and the mind doesn't realize that it's not a physical stimulation, it just knows it is being stimulated. Do your ritual, it won't bother me."

I just sat there, mouth open. I could feel the understanding and power coming from Jim to calm me down. I felt myself starting to get aroused from the energy. It was as if he was sending a stream of ecstatic energy to me. I was suddenly aware of my growing arousal but yet I wasn't concerned about it.

I fought and regained control. I sat looking at Jim and at that point, I knew that a barrier had been broken.

I told him that I didn't want to offend him with my ritual. It wasn't meant to be sexual, but because it was involving sexualty...
He said he understood and that he was glad that I had explained it to him as he wasn't sure what kind of vibe he was getting off me, but he knew there were sexual undertones to it.

I looked at Jim and I knew that in the safety of the circle, I could be open and honest, so I was.

I told him about the fact that if I think about him while I'm aroused or try to have a sexual fantasy about him, I get physically ill. I told him that I had fantasized about him, but not in any way like that. I told him that I have romantic fantasies about him laying on my bed, holding him, and talking of the world and life and religion. I told him that I respected the fact that he was straight and that I wouldn't make any moves towards him because I respect him as a person and as a friend. I told him what I found attractive and intriguing about him. I did something I rarely do any more. I opened myself and had a deep honest conversation with a friend. By the time I was done, I was expecting the circle of power to come crashing down and Jim to storm out of my room.

Jim looked at me and smiled. I couldn't make out his meaning behind the smile though. He paused for a moment, then he said that he was glad we'd had this conversation because he was somewhat uncomfortable at times around me because he knew I had a romantic interest in him. He said he was flattered and was glad that I had seen him for who he was and not just some well built guy around campus. He said that he felt much more comfortable knowing that indeed I did have a romantic interest in him, but he also felt much better knowing that I respected him as a friend and that I wouldn't make any moves towards him.

Then it was Jim's turn to let out things from the deep dark corners of his heart. I'll not repeat his revelations here out of respect for him. Suffice it to say, I was quite shocked, but yet I wasn't. I have more respect for Jim now than I did before the start of the ritual.

We had a deep discussion about how most people assume he is gay, when he isn't. I told him why I think many people do think he is gay. He understood it, then I explained to him that most people assume I'm straight and why. We are both very much alike, but yet on opposite ends. We don't fit what society says we should be. I'm the one who drove a pickup, screams and yells at hockey games, keeps a house that looks like a bachelor pad, shops at WalMart. Jim is very fashion concious, meticulous about his hair, sensitive, occasionally "gay acting" in that he has a few motions and actions that could be construed as "gay". It was a very deep and honest conversation and we both came to understand each other better. I would be remiss here if I didn't say that I also think he is gay or at least bi. I won't go into the details as many of them were things I know he would not want repeated from our conversation. I respect Jim for his life and his orientation no matter what it is.

We wrapped up our conversation as Jim had other things he needed to do, and since I had been able to recharge myself somewhat, we closed the circle and Jim left.

I recast a personal circle and completed the parts of the ritual that I had needed to complete. It was so glorious to feel the God and the Goddess in my room and refilling my spirit. I hadn't realized how drained I was and how much danger I was in because of the drain. I completed my second ritual with few problems. The biggest problem being nearly burning myself while casting part of the ritual with two candle in front of me. I could still feel Jim's energy in the room and could feel him watching me still.



Jim and I have bonded, not only as friends but as fellow healers. We still have our secrets that we will never uncover but we also know that we have a friend who is there for them, no matter what or when.

Jim knows that if my door is open or unlocked, he can walk in. He knows and is comfortable with the fact that I'm a nudist and he also knows that he is allowed to step into a ritual circle that I have cast.

I am truly blessed to have met someone like Jim who is able to help me understand myself and learn lessons that I need to learn. I pray that I can be much of a factor in his life as he has been in mine.

I still think Jim has other major issues that will surface soon, but only time will allow him to deal with his inner torments.