From bad to worse...

Hi kids.

I'm sitting here at work. Everything but my fan and one small beanie baby bear packed up into my messenger bag.

I'm sick of the shit here. I've come to realize that I have become the official dumping ground for issues that people don't want to get involved with or to wash their hands of an issue.

And so that's the work stress.

Money is a major stress as well as I realized that when I get paid Thursday. It'll still be slightly overdrawn after making money appear from "nowhere" for such things as gas, electricity, and other "non-important" things.

I'll have money for gas, but meds are out of the budget and I think I can scrounge up a bit of money for groceries to get through until next Friday. After Labor Day, it'll all be fine, but getting there does kill my vacation plans. I am currently scheduled off for the entirety of next week. It's my birthday on Thursday so I decided back in June to take the week off so I didn't have to do anything for a while and I could just relax and blow off stress. Guess what...I'll be working every day all next week. My vacation fell victim to my budget. I have to work all 80 hours to keep out of the "not enough paycheck for the bills". So much for stress busting...

I'll likely not be posting much until after Labor Day as being off my meds will adversely affect my mood and to a lesser degree my health.

So between money stress and work stress, I'm already in a bad mood... but to top it all off...

I was in the tub soaking last night and masturbating off and on. I was in one of the "on" sessions when I had a severe abdominal cramp and went from mostly laying down to being completely doubled over. Unfortunately, in the midst of that..I forgot to let go with my fist. I doubled over and pulled in so fast that I tore the frenelum (the stripe of skin that goes from the head to the shaft on the underside of the penis).

It's hugely swollen and painful. I'm having some problems passing urine due to the swelling. I have a doctor's appt tomorrow at 10:30am (which I can't afford and I can't afford to miss the two hours of work either). I'm more concerned because my foreskin catches behind the head while flaccid and I can feel it pinching on my shaft when it does. I'm quite worried about what will happen if I become erect. If that happens, it can basically strangle bloodflow to the glans.

There are three options to treat the strangled flow:

1: Gently(!) push the glans back through the constricted foreskin. Generally this is done with large amounts of painkillers for the patient.

2: A single incision to allow the constriction to release. (What kind of result does that create when it heals?)

3: Circumcision.

Now given the problems I've had with balanitis and inflammation of the foreskin, I was already considering the circumcision route. Now with this happening, I'm to the point of being all for it. I can't afford it. It won't be happening unless I do get the strangulation of blood flow to the penis or the frenelum completely tears.

I'm in need of a vacation and a stiff drink. I think I may go home tonight and have a couple of glasses of wine and play some Animal Crossing. That'll help me to relax.